08:50:27: Package picked up by Calto Fremis
08:50:28: Someone once told @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) got one over on @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) see's @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) did not see before. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
09:22:22: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
10:39:20: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
11:08:11: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco). This is arguably why @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
12:12:33: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis). @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) resumes delivery of their package.
13:19:12: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
14:01:03: @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson). Luckily, @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) vaulted over it, only severing one foot. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
15:00:26: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
16:04:25: Someone once told @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) knows @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) but the time is almost here. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis)'s ship comes over the horizon. There it is. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson)'s finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis)'s ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
16:17:35: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) came into view. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) barely heard @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
16:17:39: As @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis). "Parcel transferred."
16:17:39: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) has been sucked into a portable black hole shot from @peepso_user_90(Glenn Murphy)'s MSK-8500 rifle, not only losing the package to @peepso_user_90(Glenn Murphy), but flung to unknown reaches of the universe. "Parcel transferred."
16:17:50: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_90(Glenn Murphy) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_90(Glenn Murphy) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_90(Glenn Murphy) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo). This is arguably why @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_90(Glenn Murphy) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
16:17:55: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_90(Glenn Murphy) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_90(Glenn Murphy) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
16:17:57: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_90(Glenn Murphy) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_90(Glenn Murphy) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
16:17:59: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_90(Glenn Murphy) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_90(Glenn Murphy) came into view. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) barely heard @peepso_user_90(Glenn Murphy) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_90(Glenn Murphy) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
16:18:02: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) successfully spears @peepso_user_90(Glenn Murphy) to a wall through their chest. @peepso_user_90(Glenn Murphy) has time to yell, "You bastard," as @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) snags the package from the ground in front of them. "Parcel transferred."
16:25:54: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
16:27:25: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s ship fires two nuclear torpedos into @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship, instantly incinerating it. The package is snagged by a lengthy magnetic tow cable. "Parcel transferred."
16:34:16: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) fires two pistol shots at @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s kneecaps, dropping them to their knees. "Parcel transferred."
16:34:36: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery of their package.
16:34:38: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) after a failed package theft attempt. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes on their way.
16:34:40: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) after a failed package theft attempt. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes on their way.
16:34:41: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
16:34:43: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) came into view. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) barely heard @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
16:34:48: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo), tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) currently has the package.
16:35:00: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
16:35:09: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis), tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) currently has the package.
16:35:16: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) fires two pistol shots at @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis)'s kneecaps, dropping them to their knees. "Parcel transferred."
16:37:03: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) leaps off of a second story building on to a tall dumpster, shortening the fall. Unfortunately this dumpster is full of explosives placed by @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis). @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) smiles as they plunge their thumb onto the detonator switch, their face ignited by a pillar of flames as @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) is incinerated. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) throws the detonator over their shoulder as they pick up the package that rolls to their feet as if it was meant for them. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) breaks into a fast run, taking the stolen package with them. "Parcel transferred," emits from their delivery bracelet signifying even more credits to be earned. "Parcel transferred, indeed," @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) whispers in reply.
16:44:48: As @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis). "Parcel transferred."
16:48:22: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). Luckily, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) vaulted over it, only severing one foot. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
16:48:28: Someone once told @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) got one over on @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) see's @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) did not see before. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
16:48:33: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s trap. Frantic, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) manically runs after @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s grenades, losing a leg. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
16:48:41: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
16:48:46: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship fires two nuclear torpedos into @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s ship, instantly incinerating it. The package is snagged by a lengthy magnetic tow cable. "Parcel transferred."
16:48:51: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) successfully spears @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) to a wall through their chest. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) has time to yell, "You bastard," as @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) snags the package from the ground in front of them. "Parcel transferred."
16:50:27: Package delivered by Bacon Moo for $740,000