14:11:49: Package picked up by Calto Fremis
14:11:50: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Calto Fremis got one over on Ignoracious Buttafucco once before. So definitely, for Ignoracious Buttafucco, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Ignoracious Buttafucco stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Ignoracious Buttafucco see's Calto Fremis running hurriedly down the street. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Calto Fremis doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Ignoracious Buttafucco did not see before. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Calto Fremis escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
15:05:31: Feisty Gazebo tried to sneak on board Calto Fremis's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Calto Fremis continues their delivery.
15:05:46: Calto Fremis was feeling THAT feeling. The feeling of the win just over the horizon. A smile crept across Calto Fremis's face, thinking of exactly what they would use these credits to purchase, when Feisty Gazebo launched an electrified bola at their feet. Calto Fremis can't quite internalize that the most painful step is also the most confident, as a dart is lodged into their neck before Calto Fremis's head even hits the ground, bringing on many hours of sleep. Feisty Gazebo smiles as their delivery bracelet emits the familiar "Parcel transferred" message.
15:05:53: Feisty Gazebo is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Feisty Gazebo smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Feisty Gazebo lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Feisty Gazebo's adrenaline. Calto Fremis fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Feisty Gazebo. "Not today, my friend." Feisty Gazebo twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Calto Fremis four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
15:07:37: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Calto Fremis. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Calto Fremis mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Calto Fremis took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Calto Fremis put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Calto Fremis crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Feisty Gazebo to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Feisty Gazebo came into view. Calto Fremis pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Calto Fremis had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Calto Fremis barely heard Feisty Gazebo running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Feisty Gazebo continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
15:07:42: Feisty Gazebo took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Calto Fremis, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Calto Fremis currently has the package.
15:07:57: Calto Fremis took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Feisty Gazebo, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Feisty Gazebo currently has the package.
15:08:07: Feisty Gazebo is riddled with repetitive machine gun fire from Calto Fremis, falling to their knees and letting the package slip from their fingers. "Parcel transferred." Calto Fremis resumes delivery with the package.
15:08:24: Feisty Gazebo steadily took aim from a second story window as Calto Fremis ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Feisty Gazebo inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Calto Fremis resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
15:08:41: Calto Fremis is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born Feisty Gazebo on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as Feisty Gazebo swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
15:08:52: Feisty Gazebo has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. Feisty Gazebo is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, Calto Fremis" scrawled on it in pink paint. Calto Fremis picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of Feisty Gazebo. Fuck eaten. Good job, Calto Fremis. "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
15:09:09: Calto Fremis is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Calto Fremis smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Calto Fremis lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Calto Fremis's adrenaline. Feisty Gazebo fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Calto Fremis. "Not today, my friend." Calto Fremis twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Feisty Gazebo four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
15:09:16: Someone once told Feisty Gazebo that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Feisty Gazebo knows Calto Fremis has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Feisty Gazebo but the time is almost here. Calto Fremis's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Feisty Gazebo's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Feisty Gazebo is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Feisty Gazebo the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Calto Fremis's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
15:09:27: Calto Fremis is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Calto Fremis smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Calto Fremis lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Calto Fremis's adrenaline. Feisty Gazebo fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Calto Fremis. "Not today, my friend." Calto Fremis twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Feisty Gazebo four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
15:09:37: Feisty Gazebo shot a missile at Calto Fremis and obliterated their ship. All that was left was the package which was picked up and continued its journey with Feisty Gazebo.
15:09:47: Feisty Gazebo leaps off of a second story building on to a tall dumpster, shortening the fall. Unfortunately this dumpster is full of explosives placed by Calto Fremis. Calto Fremis smiles as they plunge their thumb onto the detonator switch, their face ignited by a pillar of flames as Feisty Gazebo is incinerated. Calto Fremis throws the detonator over their shoulder as they pick up the package that rolls to their feet as if it was meant for them. Calto Fremis breaks into a fast run, taking the stolen package with them. "Parcel transferred," emits from their delivery bracelet signifying even more credits to be earned. "Parcel transferred, indeed," Calto Fremis whispers in reply.
15:09:55: Calto Fremis is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Calto Fremis smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Calto Fremis lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Calto Fremis's adrenaline. Feisty Gazebo fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Calto Fremis. "Not today, my friend." Calto Fremis twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Feisty Gazebo four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
15:10:03: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Feisty Gazebo. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Feisty Gazebo mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Feisty Gazebo took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Feisty Gazebo put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Feisty Gazebo crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Calto Fremis to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Calto Fremis came into view. Feisty Gazebo pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Feisty Gazebo had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Feisty Gazebo barely heard Calto Fremis running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Calto Fremis continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
15:10:13: Calto Fremis took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Feisty Gazebo, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Feisty Gazebo currently has the package.
15:10:35: Feisty Gazebo has been sucked into a portable black hole shot from Calto Fremis's MSK-8500 rifle, not only losing the package to Calto Fremis, but flung to unknown reaches of the universe. "Parcel transferred."
15:10:42: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Feisty Gazebo. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Feisty Gazebo mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Feisty Gazebo took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Feisty Gazebo put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Feisty Gazebo crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Calto Fremis to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Calto Fremis came into view. Feisty Gazebo pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Feisty Gazebo had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Feisty Gazebo barely heard Calto Fremis running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Calto Fremis continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
15:10:50: Calto Fremis was feeling THAT feeling. The feeling of the win just over the horizon. A smile crept across Calto Fremis's face, thinking of exactly what they would use these credits to purchase, when Feisty Gazebo launched an electrified bola at their feet. Calto Fremis can't quite internalize that the most painful step is also the most confident, as a dart is lodged into their neck before Calto Fremis's head even hits the ground, bringing on many hours of sleep. Feisty Gazebo smiles as their delivery bracelet emits the familiar "Parcel transferred" message.
15:10:55: Feisty Gazebo has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. Feisty Gazebo is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, Calto Fremis" scrawled on it in pink paint. Calto Fremis picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of Feisty Gazebo. Fuck eaten. Good job, Calto Fremis. "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
15:11:01: Feisty Gazebo tried to sneak on board Calto Fremis's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Calto Fremis continues their delivery.
15:11:07: Calto Fremis is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born Feisty Gazebo on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as Feisty Gazebo swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
15:11:16: Someone once told Calto Fremis the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Feisty Gazebo got one over on Calto Fremis once before. So definitely, for Calto Fremis, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Calto Fremis stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Calto Fremis see's Feisty Gazebo running hurriedly down the street. Calto Fremis takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Calto Fremis ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Feisty Gazebo doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Calto Fremis did not see before. Calto Fremis takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Feisty Gazebo escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
15:11:21: Feisty Gazebo took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Calto Fremis, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Calto Fremis currently has the package.
15:11:28: Calto Fremis is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Calto Fremis smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Calto Fremis lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Calto Fremis's adrenaline. Feisty Gazebo fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Calto Fremis. "Not today, my friend." Calto Fremis twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Feisty Gazebo four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
15:11:33: Calto Fremis is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Calto Fremis smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Calto Fremis lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Calto Fremis's adrenaline. Feisty Gazebo fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Calto Fremis. "Not today, my friend." Calto Fremis twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Feisty Gazebo four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
15:11:50: Package delivered by Calto Fremis for $580,000