09:43:33: Package picked up by Iggy Starlord
09:43:34: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Iggy Starlord got one over on Ignoracious Buttafucco once before. So definitely, for Ignoracious Buttafucco, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Ignoracious Buttafucco stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Ignoracious Buttafucco see's Iggy Starlord running hurriedly down the street. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Iggy Starlord doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Ignoracious Buttafucco did not see before. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Iggy Starlord escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
10:15:30: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Ignoracious Buttafucco has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Iggy Starlord ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Iggy Starlord almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Ignoracious Buttafucco's trap. Frantic, Iggy Starlord activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Iggy Starlord hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Ignoracious Buttafucco manically runs after Iggy Starlord firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Iggy Starlord's grenades, losing a leg. Iggy Starlord continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
11:00:53: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Blaylock Samson. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Blaylock Samson mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Blaylock Samson took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Blaylock Samson put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Blaylock Samson crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Iggy Starlord to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Iggy Starlord came into view. Blaylock Samson pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Blaylock Samson had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Blaylock Samson barely heard Iggy Starlord running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Iggy Starlord continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
12:00:29: Blaylock Samson does not normally mourn death. Blaylock Samson is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Blaylock Samson thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Iggy Starlord emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Iggy Starlord dove, taking a shot mid-air. Iggy Starlord was not thinking about human connection, unlike Blaylock Samson. This is arguably why Blaylock Samson was shot in the gut. Iggy Starlord resumes their delivery, package in tow.
13:02:47: Iggy Starlord is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Iggy Starlord smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Iggy Starlord lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Iggy Starlord's adrenaline. Blaylock Samson fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Iggy Starlord. "Not today, my friend." Iggy Starlord twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Blaylock Samson four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
13:43:50: Package delivered by Iggy Starlord for $100,000