05:25:23: Package picked up by Sonny Bill Spider
05:25:24: Ignoracious Buttafucco stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Sonny Bill Spider's destruction. Instead Sonny Bill Spider resumes on their way, Ignoracious Buttafucco's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
06:00:21: Blaylock Samson does not normally mourn death. Blaylock Samson is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Blaylock Samson thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Sonny Bill Spider emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Sonny Bill Spider dove, taking a shot mid-air. Sonny Bill Spider was not thinking about human connection, unlike Blaylock Samson. This is arguably why Blaylock Samson was shot in the gut. Sonny Bill Spider resumes their delivery, package in tow.
07:00:40: Ignoracious Buttafucco does not normally mourn death. Ignoracious Buttafucco is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Ignoracious Buttafucco thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Sonny Bill Spider emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Sonny Bill Spider dove, taking a shot mid-air. Sonny Bill Spider was not thinking about human connection, unlike Ignoracious Buttafucco. This is arguably why Ignoracious Buttafucco was shot in the gut. Sonny Bill Spider resumes their delivery, package in tow.
08:00:40: Blaylock Samson does not normally mourn death. Blaylock Samson is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Blaylock Samson thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Sonny Bill Spider emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Sonny Bill Spider dove, taking a shot mid-air. Sonny Bill Spider was not thinking about human connection, unlike Blaylock Samson. This is arguably why Blaylock Samson was shot in the gut. Sonny Bill Spider resumes their delivery, package in tow.
08:15:22: Sonny Bill Spider took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Iggy Starlord, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Iggy Starlord currently has the package.
09:00:39: Mac Nielson steadily took aim from a second story window as Iggy Starlord ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Mac Nielson inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
09:42:14: Iggy Starlord is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Iggy Starlord smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Iggy Starlord lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Iggy Starlord's adrenaline. Sonny Bill Spider fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Iggy Starlord. "Not today, my friend." Iggy Starlord twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Sonny Bill Spider four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
09:42:18: Sonny Bill Spider steadily took aim from a second story window as Iggy Starlord ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Sonny Bill Spider inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
09:42:21: Someone once told Sonny Bill Spider the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Iggy Starlord got one over on Sonny Bill Spider once before. So definitely, for Sonny Bill Spider, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Sonny Bill Spider stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Sonny Bill Spider see's Iggy Starlord running hurriedly down the street. Sonny Bill Spider takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Sonny Bill Spider ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Iggy Starlord doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Sonny Bill Spider did not see before. Sonny Bill Spider takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Iggy Starlord escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
09:42:26: Sonny Bill Spider is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Iggy Starlord after a failed package theft attempt. Iggy Starlord resumes on their way.
09:42:28: The smell of Iggy Starlord's completely immolated ship flares up Sonny Bill Spider's nostrils as a tow cable yanks the package from the flaming wreck. "Parcel transferred" emit's from Sonny Bill Spider's bracelet, signaling more credits to be made. Sonny Bill Spider continues towards the delivery point, package in tow.
10:01:08: Mac Nielson stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Sonny Bill Spider's destruction. Instead Sonny Bill Spider resumes on their way, Mac Nielson's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
10:18:04: Sonny Bill Spider has been sucked into a portable black hole shot from Iggy Starlord's MSK-8500 rifle, not only losing the package to Iggy Starlord, but flung to unknown reaches of the universe. "Parcel transferred."
11:00:23: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Blaylock Samson hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Blaylock Samson has used it, targeting Iggy Starlord's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Iggy Starlord's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Blaylock Samson's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Iggy Starlord dips their ship, skirting past Blaylock Samson and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
11:21:30: Sonny Bill Spider steadily took aim from a second story window as Iggy Starlord ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Sonny Bill Spider inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
11:21:34: The smell of Iggy Starlord's completely immolated ship flares up Sonny Bill Spider's nostrils as a tow cable yanks the package from the flaming wreck. "Parcel transferred" emit's from Sonny Bill Spider's bracelet, signaling more credits to be made. Sonny Bill Spider continues towards the delivery point, package in tow.
11:26:08: Iggy Starlord bludgeons Sonny Bill Spider unconscious with a large metal crowbar, laughing and dancing over their bloody mangled body. "Parcel transferred."
12:00:27: Ignoracious Buttafucco misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Iggy Starlord. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery of their package.
13:01:07: Iggy Starlord was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Mac Nielson. Luckily, Iggy Starlord vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
13:25:38: Package delivered by Iggy Starlord for $380,000