12:46:04: Package picked up by Iggy Starlord
12:46:05: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco knows Iggy Starlord has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Ignoracious Buttafucco but the time is almost here. Iggy Starlord's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Ignoracious Buttafucco's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Ignoracious Buttafucco is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Ignoracious Buttafucco the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Iggy Starlord's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
13:00:42: Ignoracious Buttafucco is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Iggy Starlord after a failed package theft attempt. Iggy Starlord resumes on their way.
14:00:46: Someone once told Blaylock Samson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Iggy Starlord got one over on Blaylock Samson once before. So definitely, for Blaylock Samson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Blaylock Samson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Blaylock Samson see's Iggy Starlord running hurriedly down the street. Blaylock Samson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Blaylock Samson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Iggy Starlord doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Blaylock Samson did not see before. Blaylock Samson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Iggy Starlord escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
15:00:53: Mac Nielson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Iggy Starlord after a failed package theft attempt. Iggy Starlord resumes on their way.
16:00:59: Ignoracious Buttafucco misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Iggy Starlord. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery of their package.
17:01:03: Blaylock Samson tried to sneak on board Iggy Starlord's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Iggy Starlord continues their delivery.
18:00:42: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Ignoracious Buttafucco hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Ignoracious Buttafucco has used it, targeting Iggy Starlord's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Iggy Starlord's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Ignoracious Buttafucco's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Iggy Starlord dips their ship, skirting past Ignoracious Buttafucco and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
19:00:22: Ignoracious Buttafucco tried to sneak on board Iggy Starlord's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Iggy Starlord continues their delivery.
20:00:42: Mac Nielson steadily took aim from a second story window as Iggy Starlord ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Mac Nielson inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
20:46:25: Package delivered by Iggy Starlord for $180,000