13:38:31: Package picked up by Leroy Palestine
13:38:32: Mac Nielson does not normally mourn death. Mac Nielson is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Mac Nielson thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Leroy Palestine emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Leroy Palestine dove, taking a shot mid-air. Leroy Palestine was not thinking about human connection, unlike Mac Nielson. This is arguably why Mac Nielson was shot in the gut. Leroy Palestine resumes their delivery, package in tow.
14:00:21: Someone once told Blaylock Samson that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Blaylock Samson knows Leroy Palestine has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Blaylock Samson but the time is almost here. Leroy Palestine's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Blaylock Samson's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Blaylock Samson is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Blaylock Samson the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Leroy Palestine's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
15:00:20: Someone once told Blaylock Samson that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Blaylock Samson knows Leroy Palestine has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Blaylock Samson but the time is almost here. Leroy Palestine's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Blaylock Samson's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Blaylock Samson is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Blaylock Samson the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Leroy Palestine's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
16:00:39: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Mac Nielson has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Leroy Palestine ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Leroy Palestine almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Mac Nielson's trap. Frantic, Leroy Palestine activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Leroy Palestine hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Mac Nielson manically runs after Leroy Palestine firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Leroy Palestine's grenades, losing a leg. Leroy Palestine continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
16:35:12: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Column McClowed hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Column McClowed has used it, targeting Leroy Palestine's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Leroy Palestine's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Column McClowed's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Leroy Palestine dips their ship, skirting past Column McClowed and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
16:35:50: Leroy Palestine has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. Leroy Palestine is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, Column McClowed" scrawled on it in pink paint. Column McClowed picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of Leroy Palestine. Fuck eaten. Good job, Column McClowed. "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
16:52:15: Someone once told Leroy Palestine the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Column McClowed got one over on Leroy Palestine once before. So definitely, for Leroy Palestine, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Leroy Palestine stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Leroy Palestine see's Column McClowed running hurriedly down the street. Leroy Palestine takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Leroy Palestine ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Column McClowed doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Leroy Palestine did not see before. Leroy Palestine takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Column McClowed escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
16:52:19: Column McClowed takes two shotgun blasts directly to the spine from Leroy Palestine, who continues on their way with the package. "Parcel transferred." Column McClowed will be paying a deductible to get this fixed.
17:00:31: Leroy Palestine was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Mac Nielson. Luckily, Leroy Palestine vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Leroy Palestine resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
17:50:40: Someone once told Column McClowed the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Leroy Palestine got one over on Column McClowed once before. So definitely, for Column McClowed, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Column McClowed stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Column McClowed see's Leroy Palestine running hurriedly down the street. Column McClowed takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Column McClowed ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Leroy Palestine doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Column McClowed did not see before. Column McClowed takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Leroy Palestine escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
17:50:48: Leroy Palestine was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Column McClowed. Luckily, Leroy Palestine vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Leroy Palestine resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
17:50:51: Leroy Palestine takes two shotgun blasts directly to the spine from Column McClowed, who continues on their way with the package. "Parcel transferred." Leroy Palestine will be paying a deductible to get this fixed.
18:00:29: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco knows Column McClowed has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Ignoracious Buttafucco but the time is almost here. Column McClowed's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Ignoracious Buttafucco's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Ignoracious Buttafucco is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Ignoracious Buttafucco the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Column McClowed's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
18:09:53: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Leroy Palestine has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Column McClowed ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Column McClowed almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Leroy Palestine's trap. Frantic, Column McClowed activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Column McClowed hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Leroy Palestine manically runs after Column McClowed firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Column McClowed's grenades, losing a leg. Column McClowed continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
18:09:58: Leroy Palestine misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Column McClowed. Column McClowed resumes delivery of their package.
18:10:12: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Leroy Palestine. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Leroy Palestine mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Leroy Palestine took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Leroy Palestine put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Leroy Palestine crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Column McClowed to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Column McClowed came into view. Leroy Palestine pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Leroy Palestine had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Leroy Palestine barely heard Column McClowed running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Column McClowed continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
18:10:16: Someone once told Leroy Palestine that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Leroy Palestine knows Column McClowed has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Leroy Palestine but the time is almost here. Column McClowed's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Leroy Palestine's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Leroy Palestine is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Leroy Palestine the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Column McClowed's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
18:10:21: Column McClowed is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Column McClowed smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Column McClowed lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Column McClowed's adrenaline. Leroy Palestine fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Column McClowed. "Not today, my friend." Column McClowed twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Leroy Palestine four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
18:10:28: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Leroy Palestine. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Leroy Palestine mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Leroy Palestine took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Leroy Palestine put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Leroy Palestine crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Column McClowed to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Column McClowed came into view. Leroy Palestine pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Leroy Palestine had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Leroy Palestine barely heard Column McClowed running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Column McClowed continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
18:10:35: Someone once told Leroy Palestine the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Column McClowed got one over on Leroy Palestine once before. So definitely, for Leroy Palestine, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Leroy Palestine stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Leroy Palestine see's Column McClowed running hurriedly down the street. Leroy Palestine takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Leroy Palestine ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Column McClowed doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Leroy Palestine did not see before. Leroy Palestine takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Column McClowed escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
18:10:40: Column McClowed has been sucked into a portable black hole shot from Leroy Palestine's MSK-8500 rifle, not only losing the package to Leroy Palestine, but flung to unknown reaches of the universe. "Parcel transferred."
19:00:28: Blaylock Samson steadily took aim from a second story window as Leroy Palestine ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Blaylock Samson inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Leroy Palestine resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
20:00:38: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Leroy Palestine got one over on Ignoracious Buttafucco once before. So definitely, for Ignoracious Buttafucco, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Ignoracious Buttafucco stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Ignoracious Buttafucco see's Leroy Palestine running hurriedly down the street. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Leroy Palestine doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Ignoracious Buttafucco did not see before. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Leroy Palestine escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
21:00:30: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Blaylock Samson has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Leroy Palestine ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Leroy Palestine almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Blaylock Samson's trap. Frantic, Leroy Palestine activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Leroy Palestine hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Blaylock Samson manically runs after Leroy Palestine firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Leroy Palestine's grenades, losing a leg. Leroy Palestine continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
21:38:36: Package delivered by Leroy Palestine for $480,000