13:55:58: Package picked up by Leroy Palestine
13:56:00: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson). This is arguably why @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
14:04:27: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
14:09:18: @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell) bludgeons @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) unconscious with a large metal crowbar, laughing and dancing over their bloody mangled body. "Parcel transferred."
15:01:20: Someone once told @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) knows @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell) has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) but the time is almost here. @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell)'s ship comes over the horizon. There it is. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson)'s finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell)'s ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
16:04:26: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell) after a failed package theft attempt. @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell) resumes on their way.
17:00:25: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) tried to sneak on board @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell)'s ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell) continues their delivery.
18:03:18: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell) came into view. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) barely heard @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
19:01:50: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
20:00:02: Someone once told @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell) got one over on @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) see's @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) did not see before. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
21:00:47: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_383(Weslon Campbell) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
21:57:51: Package delivered by Weslon Campbell for $200,000