02:02:38: Package picked up by Harrison Ware
02:02:39: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Harrison Ware to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Harrison Ware came into view. Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Harrison Ware running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Harrison Ware continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
03:33:37: Harrison Ware has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. Harrison Ware is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, Daggwood Bronson" scrawled on it in pink paint. Daggwood Bronson picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of Harrison Ware. Fuck eaten. Good job, Daggwood Bronson. "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
04:13:01: Daggwood Bronson was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Buckaroo Banzai. Luckily, Daggwood Bronson vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Daggwood Bronson resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
04:13:18: Daggwood Bronson was feeling THAT feeling. The feeling of the win just over the horizon. A smile crept across Daggwood Bronson's face, thinking of exactly what they would use these credits to purchase, when Buckaroo Banzai launched an electrified bola at their feet. Daggwood Bronson can't quite internalize that the most painful step is also the most confident, as a dart is lodged into their neck before Daggwood Bronson's head even hits the ground, bringing on many hours of sleep. Buckaroo Banzai smiles as their delivery bracelet emits the familiar "Parcel transferred" message.
05:55:40: Buckaroo Banzai was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Roy Sharpton. Luckily, Buckaroo Banzai vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Buckaroo Banzai resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
05:55:48: Someone once told Roy Sharpton that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Roy Sharpton knows Buckaroo Banzai has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Roy Sharpton but the time is almost here. Buckaroo Banzai's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Roy Sharpton's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Roy Sharpton is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Roy Sharpton the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Buckaroo Banzai's thief rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
05:55:55: Roy Sharpton steadily took aim from a second story window as Buckaroo Banzai ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Roy Sharpton inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Buckaroo Banzai resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
06:03:32: Package delivered by Buckaroo Banzai for $140,000