09:08:40: Package picked up by Remi Delux
09:08:41: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Ignoracious Buttafucco hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Ignoracious Buttafucco has used it, targeting Remi Delux's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Remi Delux's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Ignoracious Buttafucco's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Remi Delux dips their ship, skirting past Ignoracious Buttafucco and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
10:00:25: Blaylock Samson tried to sneak on board Remi Delux's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Remi Delux continues their delivery.
10:54:39: Remi Delux takes two shotgun blasts directly to the spine from Iggy Starlord, who continues on their way with the package. "Parcel transferred." Remi Delux will be paying a deductible to get this fixed.
11:08:56: Iggy Starlord is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Iggy Starlord smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Iggy Starlord lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Iggy Starlord's adrenaline. Blaylock Samson fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Iggy Starlord. "Not today, my friend." Iggy Starlord twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Blaylock Samson four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
12:18:54: Blaylock Samson stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Iggy Starlord's destruction. Instead Iggy Starlord resumes on their way, Blaylock Samson's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
13:19:05: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Mac Nielson has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Iggy Starlord ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Iggy Starlord almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Mac Nielson's trap. Frantic, Iggy Starlord activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Iggy Starlord hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Mac Nielson manically runs after Iggy Starlord firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Iggy Starlord's grenades, losing a leg. Iggy Starlord continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
14:00:20: Iggy Starlord was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Ignoracious Buttafucco. Luckily, Iggy Starlord vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
15:06:36: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Iggy Starlord got one over on Ignoracious Buttafucco once before. So definitely, for Ignoracious Buttafucco, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Ignoracious Buttafucco stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Ignoracious Buttafucco see's Iggy Starlord running hurriedly down the street. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Iggy Starlord doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Ignoracious Buttafucco did not see before. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Iggy Starlord escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
16:03:31: Blaylock Samson stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Iggy Starlord's destruction. Instead Iggy Starlord resumes on their way, Blaylock Samson's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
17:02:18: Ignoracious Buttafucco misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Iggy Starlord. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery of their package.
17:18:39: Package delivered by Iggy Starlord for $200,000