20:29:53: Package picked up by Long Dread
20:29:54: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Blaylock Samson.  A wonderful breakfast.  "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover.  Blaylock Samson mused, "Why ruin a good thing?  I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery."  Blaylock Samson took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal.  "Ah, that's the one.  I'm here already."  Blaylock Samson put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod.  Blaylock Samson crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Long Dread to come running down the road, package in tow.  "I know this one.  Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum.  They won't be able to handle this either."  Long Dread came into view.  Blaylock Samson pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism.  Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Blaylock Samson had just left.  "What?  How?"  As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Blaylock Samson barely heard Long Dread running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!"  Long Dread continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
21:00:49: Long Dread was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Mac Nielson.  Luckily, Long Dread vaulted over it, only severing one foot.  Long Dread resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
22:00:50: Ignoracious Buttafucco misses their double-fisted pistol shots.   A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Long Dread.  Long Dread resumes delivery of their package.
23:00:52: Mac Nielson does not normally mourn death.  Mac Nielson is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another.  But that last death.  A split second of Mac Nielson thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Long Dread emerged from the parking garage, package in tow.  The shot missed.  Long Dread dove, taking a shot mid-air.  Long Dread was not thinking about human connection, unlike Mac Nielson.  This is arguably why Mac Nielson was shot in the gut.  Long Dread resumes their delivery, package in tow.
23:55:39: L.R. Snipestress misses their double-fisted pistol shots.   A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Long Dread.  Long Dread resumes delivery of their package.
23:55:41: Long Dread takes two shotgun blasts directly to the spine from L.R. Snipestress, who continues on their way with the package.  "Parcel transferred."  Long Dread will be paying a deductible to get this fixed.
23:57:16: As L.R. Snipestress rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before.  This momentarily lapse in focus is all Long Dread needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of L.R. Snipestress.  "Parcel transferred."
00:30:52: Package delivered by Long Dread for $140,000