15:41:16: Package picked up by Jack Corbeau
15:41:18: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco). This is arguably why @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
15:46:24: @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) has been sucked into a portable black hole shot from @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino)'s MSK-8500 rifle, not only losing the package to @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino), but flung to unknown reaches of the universe. "Parcel transferred."
15:48:23: @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
15:48:39: @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
15:48:59: @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau)'s ship fires two nuclear torpedos into @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino)'s ship, instantly incinerating it. The package is snagged by a lengthy magnetic tow cable. "Parcel transferred."
16:01:12: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau). @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) resumes delivery of their package.
16:47:14: @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) successfully spears @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) to a wall through their chest. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) has time to yell, "You bastard," as @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) snags the package from the ground in front of them. "Parcel transferred."
17:00:08: @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson). Luckily, @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) vaulted over it, only severing one foot. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
17:34:30: The wonderful thing about lasers, although expensive, is their ability to slice entirely through a surface and sever. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) rounds a corner and only has a split second to see a blinding red light, before being decapitated by a slicingly accurate laser blast from @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau). The package rolls to their feet. "Parcel transferred." @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) resumes delivery of the stolen package.
18:01:04: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson). This is arguably why @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
19:01:04: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau). @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) resumes delivery of their package.
20:01:06: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
20:37:57: @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) shot a missile at @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) and obliterated their ship. All that was left was the package which was picked up and continued its journey with @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino).
20:51:29: @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
20:51:37: @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau)'s ship fires two nuclear torpedos into @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino)'s ship, instantly incinerating it. The package is snagged by a lengthy magnetic tow cable. "Parcel transferred."
21:00:04: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
21:14:04: @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) successfully spears @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) to a wall through their chest. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) has time to yell, "You bastard," as @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) snags the package from the ground in front of them. "Parcel transferred."
21:30:07: @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino). @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) resumes delivery of their package.
21:30:13: @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) fires two pistol shots at @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino)'s kneecaps, dropping them to their knees. "Parcel transferred."
21:37:00: Someone once told @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) got one over on @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) see's @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) did not see before. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
21:37:22: @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) bludgeons @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) unconscious with a large metal crowbar, laughing and dancing over their bloody mangled body. "Parcel transferred."
22:00:59: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) after a failed package theft attempt. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) resumes on their way.
22:24:41: @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
23:00:12: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) came into view. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) barely heard @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
23:40:41: @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau)" scrawled on it in pink paint. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino). Fuck eaten. Good job, @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau). "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
23:41:26: Package delivered by Jack Corbeau for $500,000