05:14:24: Package picked up by Daggwood Bronson
05:14:25: Blaylock Samson stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Daggwood Bronson's destruction. Instead Daggwood Bronson resumes on their way, Blaylock Samson's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
05:27:32: Feisty Gazebo tried to sneak on board Daggwood Bronson's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Daggwood Bronson continues their delivery.
06:00:32: Daggwood Bronson was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Mac Nielson. Luckily, Daggwood Bronson vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Daggwood Bronson resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
06:35:15: Someone once told Long Dread the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Daggwood Bronson got one over on Long Dread once before. So definitely, for Long Dread, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Long Dread stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Long Dread see's Daggwood Bronson running hurriedly down the street. Long Dread takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Long Dread ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Daggwood Bronson doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Long Dread did not see before. Long Dread takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Daggwood Bronson escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
06:35:20: Long Dread does not normally mourn death. Long Dread is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Long Dread thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Daggwood Bronson emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Daggwood Bronson dove, taking a shot mid-air. Daggwood Bronson was not thinking about human connection, unlike Long Dread. This is arguably why Long Dread was shot in the gut. Daggwood Bronson resumes their delivery, package in tow.
06:35:28: Long Dread steadily took aim from a second story window as Daggwood Bronson ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Long Dread inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Daggwood Bronson resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
06:35:33: Long Dread's ship rams head-first into Daggwood Bronson's ship, utilizing a superheated prow to disintegrate Daggwood Bronson's cockpit. The package is snagged by Long Dread after a daring space walk. "Parcel transferred."
06:41:02: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Daggwood Bronson hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Daggwood Bronson has used it, targeting Long Dread's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Long Dread's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Daggwood Bronson's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Long Dread dips their ship, skirting past Daggwood Bronson and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
06:41:05: Daggwood Bronson's ship fires two nuclear torpedos into Long Dread's ship, instantly incinerating it. The package is snagged by a lengthy magnetic tow cable. "Parcel transferred."
06:43:05: Feisty Gazebo does not normally mourn death. Feisty Gazebo is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Feisty Gazebo thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Daggwood Bronson emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Daggwood Bronson dove, taking a shot mid-air. Daggwood Bronson was not thinking about human connection, unlike Feisty Gazebo. This is arguably why Feisty Gazebo was shot in the gut. Daggwood Bronson resumes their delivery, package in tow.
06:43:12: Feisty Gazebo fires two pistol shots at Daggwood Bronson's kneecaps, dropping them to their knees. "Parcel transferred."
06:45:50: Daggwood Bronson misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Feisty Gazebo. Feisty Gazebo resumes delivery of their package.
06:45:53: Daggwood Bronson bludgeons Feisty Gazebo unconscious with a large metal crowbar, laughing and dancing over their bloody mangled body. "Parcel transferred."
06:55:53: The wonderful thing about lasers, although expensive, is their ability to slice entirely through a surface and sever. Daggwood Bronson rounds a corner and only has a split second to see a blinding red light, before being decapitated by a slicingly accurate laser blast from Feisty Gazebo. The package rolls to their feet. "Parcel transferred." Feisty Gazebo resumes delivery of the stolen package.
07:00:30: Someone once told Mac Nielson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Feisty Gazebo got one over on Mac Nielson once before. So definitely, for Mac Nielson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Mac Nielson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Mac Nielson see's Feisty Gazebo running hurriedly down the street. Mac Nielson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Mac Nielson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Feisty Gazebo doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Mac Nielson did not see before. Mac Nielson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Feisty Gazebo escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
07:09:16: Feisty Gazebo was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Roy Sharpton. Luckily, Feisty Gazebo vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Feisty Gazebo resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
07:09:20: Roy Sharpton does not normally mourn death. Roy Sharpton is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Roy Sharpton thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Feisty Gazebo emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Feisty Gazebo dove, taking a shot mid-air. Feisty Gazebo was not thinking about human connection, unlike Roy Sharpton. This is arguably why Roy Sharpton was shot in the gut. Feisty Gazebo resumes their delivery, package in tow.
08:00:32: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Ignoracious Buttafucco has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Feisty Gazebo ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Feisty Gazebo almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Ignoracious Buttafucco's trap. Frantic, Feisty Gazebo activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Feisty Gazebo hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Ignoracious Buttafucco manically runs after Feisty Gazebo firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Feisty Gazebo's grenades, losing a leg. Feisty Gazebo continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
09:00:31: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Mac Nielson has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Feisty Gazebo ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Feisty Gazebo almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Mac Nielson's trap. Frantic, Feisty Gazebo activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Feisty Gazebo hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Mac Nielson manically runs after Feisty Gazebo firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Feisty Gazebo's grenades, losing a leg. Feisty Gazebo continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
10:00:32: Blaylock Samson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Feisty Gazebo after a failed package theft attempt. Feisty Gazebo resumes on their way.
11:00:31: Feisty Gazebo is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Feisty Gazebo smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Feisty Gazebo lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Feisty Gazebo's adrenaline. Ignoracious Buttafucco fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Feisty Gazebo. "Not today, my friend." Feisty Gazebo twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Ignoracious Buttafucco four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
12:00:32: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Blaylock Samson. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Blaylock Samson mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Blaylock Samson took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Blaylock Samson put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Blaylock Samson crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Feisty Gazebo to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Feisty Gazebo came into view. Blaylock Samson pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Blaylock Samson had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Blaylock Samson barely heard Feisty Gazebo running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Feisty Gazebo continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
13:00:32: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Feisty Gazebo to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Feisty Gazebo came into view. Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Feisty Gazebo running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Feisty Gazebo continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
14:00:32: Mac Nielson does not normally mourn death. Mac Nielson is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Mac Nielson thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Feisty Gazebo emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Feisty Gazebo dove, taking a shot mid-air. Feisty Gazebo was not thinking about human connection, unlike Mac Nielson. This is arguably why Mac Nielson was shot in the gut. Feisty Gazebo resumes their delivery, package in tow.
15:00:32: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Blaylock Samson hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Blaylock Samson has used it, targeting Feisty Gazebo's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Feisty Gazebo's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Blaylock Samson's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Feisty Gazebo dips their ship, skirting past Blaylock Samson and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
16:00:39: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Mac Nielson. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Mac Nielson mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Mac Nielson took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Mac Nielson put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Mac Nielson crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Feisty Gazebo to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Feisty Gazebo came into view. Mac Nielson pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Mac Nielson had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Mac Nielson barely heard Feisty Gazebo running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Feisty Gazebo continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
17:27:56: Mac Nielson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Feisty Gazebo after a failed package theft attempt. Feisty Gazebo resumes on their way.
18:06:19: Mac Nielson steadily took aim from a second story window as Feisty Gazebo ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Mac Nielson inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Feisty Gazebo resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
19:00:44: Ignoracious Buttafucco steadily took aim from a second story window as Feisty Gazebo ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Ignoracious Buttafucco inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Feisty Gazebo resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
20:16:08: Feisty Gazebo was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Blaylock Samson. Luckily, Feisty Gazebo vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Feisty Gazebo resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
21:27:50: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Ignoracious Buttafucco has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Feisty Gazebo ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Feisty Gazebo almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Ignoracious Buttafucco's trap. Frantic, Feisty Gazebo activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Feisty Gazebo hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Ignoracious Buttafucco manically runs after Feisty Gazebo firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Feisty Gazebo's grenades, losing a leg. Feisty Gazebo continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
22:41:16: Feisty Gazebo was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Ignoracious Buttafucco. Luckily, Feisty Gazebo vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Feisty Gazebo resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
23:57:59: Ignoracious Buttafucco steadily took aim from a second story window as Feisty Gazebo ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Ignoracious Buttafucco inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Feisty Gazebo resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
04:00:36: Package delivered by Feisty Gazebo for $660,000