22:50:07: Package picked up by Daggwood Bronson
22:50:08: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Daggwood Bronson got one over on Ignoracious Buttafucco once before. So definitely, for Ignoracious Buttafucco, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Ignoracious Buttafucco stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Ignoracious Buttafucco see's Daggwood Bronson running hurriedly down the street. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Daggwood Bronson doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Ignoracious Buttafucco did not see before. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Daggwood Bronson escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
23:00:37: Blaylock Samson steadily took aim from a second story window as Daggwood Bronson ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Blaylock Samson inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Daggwood Bronson resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
00:02:03: Daggwood Bronson is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born Calto Fremis on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as Calto Fremis swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
02:09:40: Daggwood Bronson tried to sneak on board Calto Fremis's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Calto Fremis continues their delivery.
02:09:42: Calto Fremis is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Calto Fremis smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Calto Fremis lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Calto Fremis's adrenaline. Daggwood Bronson fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Calto Fremis. "Not today, my friend." Calto Fremis twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Daggwood Bronson four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
02:09:46: Daggwood Bronson does not normally mourn death. Daggwood Bronson is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Daggwood Bronson thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Calto Fremis emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Calto Fremis dove, taking a shot mid-air. Calto Fremis was not thinking about human connection, unlike Daggwood Bronson. This is arguably why Daggwood Bronson was shot in the gut. Calto Fremis resumes their delivery, package in tow.
02:09:55: Someone once told Daggwood Bronson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Calto Fremis got one over on Daggwood Bronson once before. So definitely, for Daggwood Bronson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Daggwood Bronson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Daggwood Bronson see's Calto Fremis running hurriedly down the street. Daggwood Bronson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Daggwood Bronson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Calto Fremis doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Daggwood Bronson did not see before. Daggwood Bronson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Calto Fremis escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
04:26:06: Calto Fremis is riddled with repetitive machine gun fire from Sable Nyx, falling to their knees and letting the package slip from their fingers. "Parcel transferred." Sable Nyx resumes delivery with the package.
04:49:52: The wonderful thing about lasers, although expensive, is their ability to slice entirely through a surface and sever. Sable Nyx rounds a corner and only has a split second to see a blinding red light, before being decapitated by a slicingly accurate laser blast from Calto Fremis. The package rolls to their feet. "Parcel transferred." Calto Fremis resumes delivery of the stolen package.
05:27:17: Daggwood Bronson steadily took aim from a second story window as Calto Fremis ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Daggwood Bronson inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Calto Fremis resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
07:14:36: Package delivered by Calto Fremis for $200,000