17:51:29: Package picked up by Jack Corbeau
17:51:30: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) came into view. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) barely heard @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
18:00:37: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson)'s trap. Frantic, @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) manically runs after @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau)'s grenades, losing a leg. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
19:01:13: Someone once told @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) got one over on @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) see's @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) did not see before. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
20:00:35: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) came into view. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) barely heard @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
21:00:08: @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
21:12:38: Someone once told @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) knows @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) but the time is almost here. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau)'s ship comes over the horizon. There it is. @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy)'s finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau)'s ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
21:12:45: @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy)'s ship fires two nuclear torpedos into @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau)'s ship, instantly incinerating it. The package is snagged by a lengthy magnetic tow cable. "Parcel transferred."
21:16:24: @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy). @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) resumes delivery of their package.
21:16:29: @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
21:16:34: @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau). Luckily, @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) vaulted over it, only severing one foot. @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
21:16:39: As @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy). "Parcel transferred."
21:39:28: @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) shot a missile at @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) and obliterated their ship. All that was left was the package which was picked up and continued its journey with @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy).
21:51:05: @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) after a failed package theft attempt. @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) resumes on their way.
21:51:10: @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) was feeling THAT feeling. The feeling of the win just over the horizon. A smile crept across @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy)'s face, thinking of exactly what they would use these credits to purchase, when @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) launched an electrified bola at their feet. @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy) can't quite internalize that the most painful step is also the most confident, as a dart is lodged into their neck before @peepso_user_322(Shadowrabbit Clayguy)'s head even hits the ground, bringing on many hours of sleep. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) smiles as their delivery bracelet emits the familiar "Parcel transferred" message.
21:51:29: Package delivered by Jack Corbeau for $280,000