16:15:25: Package picked up by Mercer Pompadour
16:15:26: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_140(Mercer Pompadour) ran by below.  Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger.  It was a miss.  @peepso_user_140(Mercer Pompadour) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
16:25:32: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) stumbles into their own trap:  a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_140(Mercer Pompadour)'s destruction.  Instead @peepso_user_140(Mercer Pompadour) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
16:25:38: @peepso_user_140(Mercer Pompadour) has been sucked into a portable black hole shot from @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s MSK-8500 rifle, not only losing the package to @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo), but flung to unknown reaches of the universe.  "Parcel transferred."
17:00:32: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco).  A wonderful breakfast.  "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover.  @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) mused, "Why ruin a good thing?  I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery."  @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal.  "Ah, that's the one.  I'm here already."  @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod.  @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) to come running down the road, package in tow.  "I know this one.  Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum.  They won't be able to handle this either."  @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) came into view.  @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism.  Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) had just left.  "What?  How?"  As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) barely heard @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!"  @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
17:16:21: Package delivered by Bacon Moo for $80,000