12:29:38: Package picked up by Column McClowed
12:29:39: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Mac Nielson has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Column McClowed ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Column McClowed almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Mac Nielson's trap. Frantic, Column McClowed activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Column McClowed hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Mac Nielson manically runs after Column McClowed firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Column McClowed's grenades, losing a leg. Column McClowed continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
13:00:46: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Ignoracious Buttafucco hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Ignoracious Buttafucco has used it, targeting Column McClowed's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Column McClowed's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Ignoracious Buttafucco's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Column McClowed dips their ship, skirting past Ignoracious Buttafucco and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
14:00:38: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Column McClowed to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Column McClowed came into view. Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Column McClowed running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Column McClowed continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
15:00:50: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Mac Nielson has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Column McClowed ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Column McClowed almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Mac Nielson's trap. Frantic, Column McClowed activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Column McClowed hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Mac Nielson manically runs after Column McClowed firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Column McClowed's grenades, losing a leg. Column McClowed continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
16:00:33: Mac Nielson steadily took aim from a second story window as Column McClowed ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Mac Nielson inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Column McClowed resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
17:00:50: Mac Nielson steadily took aim from a second story window as Column McClowed ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Mac Nielson inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Column McClowed resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
18:00:50: Mac Nielson does not normally mourn death. Mac Nielson is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Mac Nielson thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Column McClowed emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Column McClowed dove, taking a shot mid-air. Column McClowed was not thinking about human connection, unlike Mac Nielson. This is arguably why Mac Nielson was shot in the gut. Column McClowed resumes their delivery, package in tow.
18:33:29: Column McClowed has been sucked into a portable black hole shot from Long Dread's MSK-8500 rifle, not only losing the package to Long Dread, but flung to unknown reaches of the universe. "Parcel transferred."
18:36:21: Feisty Gazebo fires two pistol shots at Long Dread's kneecaps, dropping them to their knees. "Parcel transferred."
18:40:20: Feisty Gazebo leaps off of a second story building on to a tall dumpster, shortening the fall. Unfortunately this dumpster is full of explosives placed by Long Dread. Long Dread smiles as they plunge their thumb onto the detonator switch, their face ignited by a pillar of flames as Feisty Gazebo is incinerated. Long Dread throws the detonator over their shoulder as they pick up the package that rolls to their feet as if it was meant for them. Long Dread breaks into a fast run, taking the stolen package with them. "Parcel transferred," emits from their delivery bracelet signifying even more credits to be earned. "Parcel transferred, indeed," Long Dread whispers in reply.
19:00:49: Long Dread is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Long Dread smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Long Dread lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Long Dread's adrenaline. Mac Nielson fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Long Dread. "Not today, my friend." Long Dread twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Mac Nielson four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
20:00:50: Blaylock Samson does not normally mourn death. Blaylock Samson is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Blaylock Samson thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Long Dread emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Long Dread dove, taking a shot mid-air. Long Dread was not thinking about human connection, unlike Blaylock Samson. This is arguably why Blaylock Samson was shot in the gut. Long Dread resumes their delivery, package in tow.
20:01:11: Someone once told Feisty Gazebo that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Feisty Gazebo knows Long Dread has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Feisty Gazebo but the time is almost here. Long Dread's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Feisty Gazebo's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Feisty Gazebo is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Feisty Gazebo the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Long Dread's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
20:01:16: As Long Dread rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all Feisty Gazebo needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of Long Dread. "Parcel transferred."
20:11:14: Someone once told Long Dread that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Long Dread knows Feisty Gazebo has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Long Dread but the time is almost here. Feisty Gazebo's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Long Dread's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Long Dread is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Long Dread the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Feisty Gazebo's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
20:11:25: Feisty Gazebo has been sucked into a portable black hole shot from Long Dread's MSK-8500 rifle, not only losing the package to Long Dread, but flung to unknown reaches of the universe. "Parcel transferred."
20:29:38: Package delivered by Long Dread for $320,000