12:19:10: Package picked up by Sonny Bill Spider
12:19:11: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco knows Sonny Bill Spider has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Ignoracious Buttafucco but the time is almost here. Sonny Bill Spider's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Ignoracious Buttafucco's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Ignoracious Buttafucco is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Ignoracious Buttafucco the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Sonny Bill Spider's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
12:35:19: Column McClowed tried to sneak on board Sonny Bill Spider's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Sonny Bill Spider continues their delivery.
12:36:21: Column McClowed misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Sonny Bill Spider. Sonny Bill Spider resumes delivery of their package.
12:36:28: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Column McClowed hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Column McClowed has used it, targeting Sonny Bill Spider's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Sonny Bill Spider's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Column McClowed's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Sonny Bill Spider dips their ship, skirting past Column McClowed and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
12:37:11: Sonny Bill Spider took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Column McClowed, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Column McClowed currently has the package.
12:45:29: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Sonny Bill Spider has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Column McClowed ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Column McClowed almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Sonny Bill Spider's trap. Frantic, Column McClowed activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Column McClowed hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Sonny Bill Spider manically runs after Column McClowed firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Column McClowed's grenades, losing a leg. Column McClowed continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
12:45:45: Sonny Bill Spider bludgeons Column McClowed unconscious with a large metal crowbar, laughing and dancing over their bloody mangled body. "Parcel transferred."
13:00:55: Ignoracious Buttafucco stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Sonny Bill Spider's destruction. Instead Sonny Bill Spider resumes on their way, Ignoracious Buttafucco's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
13:19:21: Package delivered by Sonny Bill Spider for $160,000