21:59:57: Package picked up by Forbes Forbes
21:59:58: Forbes Forbes was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Ignoracious Buttafucco.  Luckily, Forbes Forbes vaulted over it, only severing one foot.  Forbes Forbes resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
22:00:20: Forbes Forbes is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads.  Dangerous territory.  A field of Space Bastards, but Forbes Forbes smiles.  Winners aren't born; they're built.  Forbes Forbes lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below.  One failed attempt.  Two.  Three.  Four.  Each attempted theft of the package raises Forbes Forbes's adrenaline.  Ignoracious Buttafucco fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Forbes Forbes.  "Not today, my friend."  Forbes Forbes twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Ignoracious Buttafucco four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
23:35:40: Package delivered by Forbes Forbes for $40,000