06:56:59: Package picked up by Illiaen Abraxas
06:57:01: Someone once told Blaylock Samson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Illiaen Abraxas got one over on Blaylock Samson once before. So definitely, for Blaylock Samson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Blaylock Samson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Blaylock Samson see's Illiaen Abraxas running hurriedly down the street. Blaylock Samson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Blaylock Samson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Illiaen Abraxas doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Blaylock Samson did not see before. Blaylock Samson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Illiaen Abraxas escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
07:30:43: Someone once told Daggwood Bronson that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Daggwood Bronson knows Illiaen Abraxas has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Daggwood Bronson but the time is almost here. Illiaen Abraxas's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Daggwood Bronson's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Daggwood Bronson is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Daggwood Bronson the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Illiaen Abraxas's thief rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
07:31:03: Illiaen Abraxas is riddled with repetitive machine gun fire from Leroy Palestine, falling to their knees and letting the package slip from their fingers. "Parcel transferred." Leroy Palestine resumes delivery with the package.
07:41:22: Someone once told Daggwood Bronson that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Daggwood Bronson knows Leroy Palestine has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Daggwood Bronson but the time is almost here. Leroy Palestine's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Daggwood Bronson's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Daggwood Bronson is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Daggwood Bronson the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Leroy Palestine's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
07:41:38: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Daggwood Bronson. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Daggwood Bronson mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Daggwood Bronson took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Daggwood Bronson put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Daggwood Bronson crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Leroy Palestine to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Leroy Palestine came into view. Daggwood Bronson pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Daggwood Bronson had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Daggwood Bronson barely heard Leroy Palestine running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Leroy Palestine continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
07:41:44: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Daggwood Bronson. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Daggwood Bronson mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Daggwood Bronson took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Daggwood Bronson put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Daggwood Bronson crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Leroy Palestine to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Leroy Palestine came into view. Daggwood Bronson pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Daggwood Bronson had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Daggwood Bronson barely heard Leroy Palestine running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Leroy Palestine continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
07:41:58: Leroy Palestine leaps off of a second story building on to a tall dumpster, shortening the fall. Unfortunately this dumpster is full of explosives placed by Daggwood Bronson. Daggwood Bronson smiles as they plunge their thumb onto the detonator switch, their face ignited by a pillar of flames as Leroy Palestine is incinerated. Daggwood Bronson throws the detonator over their shoulder as they pick up the package that rolls to their feet as if it was meant for them. Daggwood Bronson breaks into a fast run, taking the stolen package with them. "Parcel transferred," emits from their delivery bracelet signifying even more credits to be earned. "Parcel transferred, indeed," Daggwood Bronson whispers in reply.
07:50:44: Daggwood Bronson was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Illiaen Abraxas. Luckily, Daggwood Bronson vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Daggwood Bronson resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
07:51:03: Daggwood Bronson was feeling THAT feeling. The feeling of the win just over the horizon. A smile crept across Daggwood Bronson's face, thinking of exactly what they would use these credits to purchase, when Illiaen Abraxas launched an electrified bola at their feet. Daggwood Bronson can't quite internalize that the most painful step is also the most confident, as a dart is lodged into their neck before Daggwood Bronson's head even hits the ground, bringing on many hours of sleep. Illiaen Abraxas smiles as their delivery bracelet emits the familiar "Parcel transferred" message.
07:56:59: Package delivered by Illiaen Abraxas for $180,000