20:45:56: Package picked up by Jack Corbeau
20:45:57: @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco). Luckily, @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) vaulted over it, only severing one foot. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
21:01:13: @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
21:07:38: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
21:07:50: @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) is riddled with repetitive machine gun fire from @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino), falling to their knees and letting the package slip from their fingers. "Parcel transferred." @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) resumes delivery with the package.
21:29:19: @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) fires two pistol shots at @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino)'s kneecaps, dropping them to their knees. "Parcel transferred."
21:34:17: @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) fires two pistol shots at @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau)'s kneecaps, dropping them to their knees. "Parcel transferred."
22:00:41: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) came into view. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) barely heard @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
23:00:38: Someone once told @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) got one over on @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) see's @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) did not see before. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
23:32:29: @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau). This is arguably why @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
23:32:39: @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau)'s ship fires two nuclear torpedos into @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino)'s ship, instantly incinerating it. The package is snagged by a lengthy magnetic tow cable. "Parcel transferred."
23:53:50: @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
23:54:00: The smell of @peepso_user_451(Jack Corbeau)'s completely immolated ship flares up @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino)'s nostrils as a tow cable yanks the package from the flaming wreck. "Parcel transferred" emit's from @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino)'s bracelet, signaling more credits to be made. @peepso_user_403(Nicholas Jusino) continues towards the delivery point, package in tow.
04:46:22: Package delivered by Nicholas Jusino for $240,000