09:40:00: Package picked up by Kane Cannon
09:40:01: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
10:00:23: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson). This is arguably why @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
10:23:40: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt)'s trap. Frantic, @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) manically runs after @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon)'s grenades, losing a leg. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
10:23:45: @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
10:39:16: @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) fires two pistol shots at @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt)'s kneecaps, dropping them to their knees. "Parcel transferred."
11:00:25: @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
11:48:50: @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt)'s ship fires two nuclear torpedos into @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon)'s ship, instantly incinerating it. The package is snagged by a lengthy magnetic tow cable. "Parcel transferred."
12:00:31: Someone once told @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) knows @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) but the time is almost here. @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt)'s ship comes over the horizon. There it is. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco)'s finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt)'s ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
13:00:34: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) tried to sneak on board @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt)'s ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) continues their delivery.
13:06:32: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) came into view. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) barely heard @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
13:07:00: @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) is riddled with repetitive machine gun fire from @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon), falling to their knees and letting the package slip from their fingers. "Parcel transferred." @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) resumes delivery with the package.
13:11:48: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
13:11:52: @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt). Luckily, @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) vaulted over it, only severing one foot. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
13:11:55: @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) successfully spears @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) to a wall through their chest. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) has time to yell, "You bastard," as @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) snags the package from the ground in front of them. "Parcel transferred."
13:27:01: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) came into view. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) barely heard @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
13:27:07: @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
13:27:12: @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
13:27:15: @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) tried to sneak on board @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt)'s ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) continues their delivery.
13:27:19: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) came into view. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) barely heard @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
13:27:24: Someone once told @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) knows @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) but the time is almost here. @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt)'s ship comes over the horizon. There it is. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon)'s finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt)'s ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
13:27:29: @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt). @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) resumes delivery of their package.
13:27:35: @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon). This is arguably why @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
13:27:38: @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon). This is arguably why @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
13:27:42: @peepso_user_85(Corvus Wyatt) took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon), tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) currently has the package.
14:00:21: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
15:00:22: Someone once told @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) got one over on @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) see's @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) did not see before. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
16:00:44: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson)'s trap. Frantic, @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) manically runs after @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon)'s grenades, losing a leg. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
17:00:42: Someone once told @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) got one over on @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) see's @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) did not see before. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_91(Kane Cannon) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
17:40:45: Package delivered by Kane Cannon for $560,000