04:26:33: Package picked up by L.R. Snipestress
04:26:34: Blaylock Samson steadily took aim from a second story window as L.R. Snipestress ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Blaylock Samson inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. L.R. Snipestress resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
05:00:52: Ignoracious Buttafucco steadily took aim from a second story window as L.R. Snipestress ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Ignoracious Buttafucco inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. L.R. Snipestress resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
06:00:51: Ignoracious Buttafucco is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by L.R. Snipestress after a failed package theft attempt. L.R. Snipestress resumes on their way.
07:00:40: Someone once told Blaylock Samson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. L.R. Snipestress got one over on Blaylock Samson once before. So definitely, for Blaylock Samson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Blaylock Samson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Blaylock Samson see's L.R. Snipestress running hurriedly down the street. Blaylock Samson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Blaylock Samson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. L.R. Snipestress doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Blaylock Samson did not see before. Blaylock Samson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see L.R. Snipestress escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
07:29:12: L.R. Snipestress took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Feisty Gazebo, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Feisty Gazebo currently has the package.
07:53:31: Feisty Gazebo is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Feisty Gazebo smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Feisty Gazebo lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Feisty Gazebo's adrenaline. Leroy Palestine fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Feisty Gazebo. "Not today, my friend." Feisty Gazebo twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Leroy Palestine four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
07:53:38: Leroy Palestine steadily took aim from a second story window as Feisty Gazebo ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Leroy Palestine inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Feisty Gazebo resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
07:53:46: Leroy Palestine successfully spears Feisty Gazebo to a wall through their chest. Feisty Gazebo has time to yell, "You bastard," as Leroy Palestine snags the package from the ground in front of them. "Parcel transferred."
07:58:50: Leroy Palestine was feeling THAT feeling. The feeling of the win just over the horizon. A smile crept across Leroy Palestine's face, thinking of exactly what they would use these credits to purchase, when Feisty Gazebo launched an electrified bola at their feet. Leroy Palestine can't quite internalize that the most painful step is also the most confident, as a dart is lodged into their neck before Leroy Palestine's head even hits the ground, bringing on many hours of sleep. Feisty Gazebo smiles as their delivery bracelet emits the familiar "Parcel transferred" message.
08:00:47: Blaylock Samson misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Feisty Gazebo. Feisty Gazebo resumes delivery of their package.
08:07:26: Feisty Gazebo was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Leroy Palestine. Luckily, Feisty Gazebo vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Feisty Gazebo resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
08:07:34: Leroy Palestine shot a missile at Feisty Gazebo and obliterated their ship. All that was left was the package which was picked up and continued its journey with Leroy Palestine.
08:07:49: Feisty Gazebo steadily took aim from a second story window as Leroy Palestine ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Feisty Gazebo inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Leroy Palestine resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
08:07:59: Feisty Gazebo does not normally mourn death. Feisty Gazebo is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Feisty Gazebo thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Leroy Palestine emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Leroy Palestine dove, taking a shot mid-air. Leroy Palestine was not thinking about human connection, unlike Feisty Gazebo. This is arguably why Feisty Gazebo was shot in the gut. Leroy Palestine resumes their delivery, package in tow.
08:08:06: Feisty Gazebo is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Leroy Palestine after a failed package theft attempt. Leroy Palestine resumes on their way.
08:08:18: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Feisty Gazebo has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Leroy Palestine ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Leroy Palestine almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Feisty Gazebo's trap. Frantic, Leroy Palestine activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Leroy Palestine hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Feisty Gazebo manically runs after Leroy Palestine firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Leroy Palestine's grenades, losing a leg. Leroy Palestine continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
08:08:28: Leroy Palestine is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Leroy Palestine smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Leroy Palestine lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Leroy Palestine's adrenaline. Feisty Gazebo fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Leroy Palestine. "Not today, my friend." Leroy Palestine twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Feisty Gazebo four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
08:08:36: As Leroy Palestine rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all Feisty Gazebo needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of Leroy Palestine. "Parcel transferred."
08:09:13: Feisty Gazebo has been sucked into a portable black hole shot from Leroy Palestine's MSK-8500 rifle, not only losing the package to Leroy Palestine, but flung to unknown reaches of the universe. "Parcel transferred."
08:09:29: Leroy Palestine is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born Feisty Gazebo on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as Feisty Gazebo swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
08:10:43: Someone once told Leroy Palestine that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Leroy Palestine knows Feisty Gazebo has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Leroy Palestine but the time is almost here. Feisty Gazebo's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Leroy Palestine's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Leroy Palestine is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Leroy Palestine the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Feisty Gazebo's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
08:10:51: Leroy Palestine's ship fires two nuclear torpedos into Feisty Gazebo's ship, instantly incinerating it. The package is snagged by a lengthy magnetic tow cable. "Parcel transferred."
08:15:23: Leroy Palestine was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Feisty Gazebo. Luckily, Leroy Palestine vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Leroy Palestine resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
08:15:30: Feisty Gazebo steadily took aim from a second story window as Leroy Palestine ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Feisty Gazebo inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Leroy Palestine resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
08:15:37: Feisty Gazebo misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Leroy Palestine. Leroy Palestine resumes delivery of their package.
08:25:44: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Feisty Gazebo hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Feisty Gazebo has used it, targeting Leroy Palestine's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Leroy Palestine's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Feisty Gazebo's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Leroy Palestine dips their ship, skirting past Feisty Gazebo and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
08:26:35: Package delivered by Leroy Palestine for $520,000