20:45:01: Package picked up by Leroy Palestine
20:45:02: Leroy Palestine was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Mac Nielson. Luckily, Leroy Palestine vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Leroy Palestine resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
21:00:24: Ignoracious Buttafucco steadily took aim from a second story window as Leroy Palestine ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Ignoracious Buttafucco inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Leroy Palestine resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
22:00:54: Ignoracious Buttafucco is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Leroy Palestine after a failed package theft attempt. Leroy Palestine resumes on their way.
23:00:27: Blaylock Samson tried to sneak on board Leroy Palestine's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Leroy Palestine continues their delivery.
23:11:39: Someone once told Sonny Bill Spider that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Sonny Bill Spider knows Leroy Palestine has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Sonny Bill Spider but the time is almost here. Leroy Palestine's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Sonny Bill Spider's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Sonny Bill Spider is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Sonny Bill Spider the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Leroy Palestine's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
23:11:53: Sonny Bill Spider bludgeons Leroy Palestine unconscious with a large metal crowbar, laughing and dancing over their bloody mangled body. "Parcel transferred."
00:00:58: Leroy Palestine tried to sneak on board Sonny Bill Spider's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Sonny Bill Spider continues their delivery.
00:01:02: Sonny Bill Spider was feeling THAT feeling. The feeling of the win just over the horizon. A smile crept across Sonny Bill Spider's face, thinking of exactly what they would use these credits to purchase, when Leroy Palestine launched an electrified bola at their feet. Sonny Bill Spider can't quite internalize that the most painful step is also the most confident, as a dart is lodged into their neck before Sonny Bill Spider's head even hits the ground, bringing on many hours of sleep. Leroy Palestine smiles as their delivery bracelet emits the familiar "Parcel transferred" message.
00:04:01: As Leroy Palestine rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all Sonny Bill Spider needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of Leroy Palestine. "Parcel transferred."
00:28:10: Calto Fremis tried to sneak on board Sonny Bill Spider's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Sonny Bill Spider continues their delivery.
00:28:14: Sonny Bill Spider was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Calto Fremis. Luckily, Sonny Bill Spider vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Sonny Bill Spider resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
00:28:20: Someone once told Calto Fremis that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Calto Fremis knows Sonny Bill Spider has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Calto Fremis but the time is almost here. Sonny Bill Spider's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Calto Fremis's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Calto Fremis is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Calto Fremis the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Sonny Bill Spider's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
00:28:34: Calto Fremis's ship rams head-first into Sonny Bill Spider's ship, utilizing a superheated prow to disintegrate Sonny Bill Spider's cockpit. The package is snagged by Calto Fremis after a daring space walk. "Parcel transferred."
00:43:44: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Sonny Bill Spider has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Calto Fremis ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Calto Fremis almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Sonny Bill Spider's trap. Frantic, Calto Fremis activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Calto Fremis hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Sonny Bill Spider manically runs after Calto Fremis firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Calto Fremis's grenades, losing a leg. Calto Fremis continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
00:44:01: Someone once told Sonny Bill Spider that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Sonny Bill Spider knows Calto Fremis has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Sonny Bill Spider but the time is almost here. Calto Fremis's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Sonny Bill Spider's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Sonny Bill Spider is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Sonny Bill Spider the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Calto Fremis's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
00:44:17: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Sonny Bill Spider hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Sonny Bill Spider has used it, targeting Calto Fremis's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Calto Fremis's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Sonny Bill Spider's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Calto Fremis dips their ship, skirting past Sonny Bill Spider and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
00:44:21: Sonny Bill Spider is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Calto Fremis after a failed package theft attempt. Calto Fremis resumes on their way.
00:44:28: Sonny Bill Spider successfully spears Calto Fremis to a wall through their chest. Calto Fremis has time to yell, "You bastard," as Sonny Bill Spider snags the package from the ground in front of them. "Parcel transferred."
02:34:18: Someone once told Daggwood Bronson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Sonny Bill Spider got one over on Daggwood Bronson once before. So definitely, for Daggwood Bronson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Daggwood Bronson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Daggwood Bronson see's Sonny Bill Spider running hurriedly down the street. Daggwood Bronson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Daggwood Bronson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Sonny Bill Spider doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Daggwood Bronson did not see before. Daggwood Bronson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Sonny Bill Spider escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
02:35:17: As Sonny Bill Spider rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all Daggwood Bronson needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of Sonny Bill Spider. "Parcel transferred."
02:37:20: As Daggwood Bronson rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all Calto Fremis needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of Daggwood Bronson. "Parcel transferred."
03:23:14: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Sonny Bill Spider has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Calto Fremis ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Calto Fremis almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Sonny Bill Spider's trap. Frantic, Calto Fremis activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Calto Fremis hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Sonny Bill Spider manically runs after Calto Fremis firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Calto Fremis's grenades, losing a leg. Calto Fremis continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
03:23:24: The smell of Calto Fremis's completely immolated ship flares up Sonny Bill Spider's nostrils as a tow cable yanks the package from the flaming wreck. "Parcel transferred" emit's from Sonny Bill Spider's bracelet, signaling more credits to be made. Sonny Bill Spider continues towards the delivery point, package in tow.
04:45:03: Package delivered by Sonny Bill Spider for $460,000