04:10:59: Package picked up by Leroy Palestine
04:11:00: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
04:36:17: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) was feeling THAT feeling. The feeling of the win just over the horizon. A smile crept across @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s face, thinking of exactly what they would use these credits to purchase, when @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) launched an electrified bola at their feet. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) can't quite internalize that the most painful step is also the most confident, as a dart is lodged into their neck before @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s head even hits the ground, bringing on many hours of sleep. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) smiles as their delivery bracelet emits the familiar "Parcel transferred" message.
04:58:55: As @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear). "Parcel transferred."
05:00:12: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
05:14:04: @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery of their package.
05:14:50: @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) tried to sneak on board @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) continues their delivery.
05:15:13: Someone once told @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) knows @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) but the time is almost here. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship comes over the horizon. There it is. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear)'s finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
05:16:15: @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
05:16:54: @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
05:17:45: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
05:18:41: @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) after a failed package theft attempt. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes on their way.
05:19:51: @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
05:20:12: Someone once told @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) knows @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) but the time is almost here. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship comes over the horizon. There it is. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear)'s finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
05:20:51: The smell of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s completely immolated ship flares up @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear)'s nostrils as a tow cable yanks the package from the flaming wreck. "Parcel transferred" emit's from @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear)'s bracelet, signaling more credits to be made. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) continues towards the delivery point, package in tow.
06:00:43: @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson). Luckily, @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) vaulted over it, only severing one foot. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
07:11:03: @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
08:15:52: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
09:23:16: Someone once told @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) got one over on @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) see's @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) did not see before. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
10:00:40: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
11:28:50: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
12:00:18: Someone once told @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) got one over on @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) see's @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) did not see before. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_266(Pouncy Sillybear) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
12:19:21: Package delivered by Pouncy Sillybear for $420,000