19:04:53: Package picked up by Feisty Gazebo
19:04:54: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Mac Nielson has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Feisty Gazebo ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Feisty Gazebo almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Mac Nielson's trap. Frantic, Feisty Gazebo activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Feisty Gazebo hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Mac Nielson manically runs after Feisty Gazebo firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Feisty Gazebo's grenades, losing a leg. Feisty Gazebo continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
19:21:44: Feisty Gazebo takes two shotgun blasts directly to the spine from Long Dread, who continues on their way with the package. "Parcel transferred." Feisty Gazebo will be paying a deductible to get this fixed.
20:00:55: Someone once told Blaylock Samson that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Blaylock Samson knows Long Dread has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Blaylock Samson but the time is almost here. Long Dread's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Blaylock Samson's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Blaylock Samson is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Blaylock Samson the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Long Dread's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
20:07:34: Long Dread took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Leroy Palestine, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Leroy Palestine currently has the package.
21:00:55: Mac Nielson tried to sneak on board Leroy Palestine's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Leroy Palestine continues their delivery.
21:13:34: Someone once told Feisty Gazebo the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Leroy Palestine got one over on Feisty Gazebo once before. So definitely, for Feisty Gazebo, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Feisty Gazebo stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Feisty Gazebo see's Leroy Palestine running hurriedly down the street. Feisty Gazebo takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Feisty Gazebo ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Leroy Palestine doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Feisty Gazebo did not see before. Feisty Gazebo takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Leroy Palestine escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
21:40:15: The wonderful thing about lasers, although expensive, is their ability to slice entirely through a surface and sever. Leroy Palestine rounds a corner and only has a split second to see a blinding red light, before being decapitated by a slicingly accurate laser blast from Long Dread. The package rolls to their feet. "Parcel transferred." Long Dread resumes delivery of the stolen package.
22:00:55: Mac Nielson tried to sneak on board Long Dread's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Long Dread continues their delivery.
23:00:30: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Long Dread to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Long Dread came into view. Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Long Dread running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Long Dread continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
23:05:36: Package delivered by Long Dread for $180,000