06:10:46: Package picked up by Bacon Moo
06:10:47: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson). This is arguably why @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
06:16:57: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis), tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) currently has the package.
06:18:51: Someone once told @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) knows @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) but the time is almost here. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis)'s ship comes over the horizon. There it is. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis)'s ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
06:18:55: The smell of @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis)'s completely immolated ship flares up @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s nostrils as a tow cable yanks the package from the flaming wreck. "Parcel transferred" emit's from @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s bracelet, signaling more credits to be made. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) continues towards the delivery point, package in tow.
07:00:34: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
08:00:40: Someone once told @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) got one over on @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) see's @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) did not see before. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
09:00:21: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco). Luckily, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) vaulted over it, only severing one foot. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
10:00:19: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
11:00:43: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco). This is arguably why @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
12:00:30: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) came into view. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) barely heard @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
13:00:24: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
14:00:20: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
14:11:37: Package delivered by Bacon Moo for $240,000