11:23:48: Package picked up by Iggy Starlord
11:23:49: Blaylock Samson tried to sneak on board Iggy Starlord's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Iggy Starlord continues their delivery.
12:02:09: Iggy Starlord is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Iggy Starlord smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Iggy Starlord lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Iggy Starlord's adrenaline. Mac Nielson fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Iggy Starlord. "Not today, my friend." Iggy Starlord twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Mac Nielson four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
13:01:29: Blaylock Samson stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Iggy Starlord's destruction. Instead Iggy Starlord resumes on their way, Blaylock Samson's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
14:01:54: Someone once told Blaylock Samson that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Blaylock Samson knows Iggy Starlord has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Blaylock Samson but the time is almost here. Iggy Starlord's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Blaylock Samson's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Blaylock Samson is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Blaylock Samson the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Iggy Starlord's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
14:25:39: Iggy Starlord took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Sonny Bill Spider, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Sonny Bill Spider currently has the package.
15:02:29: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Sonny Bill Spider to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Sonny Bill Spider came into view. Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Sonny Bill Spider running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Sonny Bill Spider continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
15:30:27: Iggy Starlord misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Sonny Bill Spider. Sonny Bill Spider resumes delivery of their package.
15:30:34: Sonny Bill Spider is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Sonny Bill Spider smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Sonny Bill Spider lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Sonny Bill Spider's adrenaline. Iggy Starlord fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Sonny Bill Spider. "Not today, my friend." Sonny Bill Spider twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Iggy Starlord four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
15:30:41: Iggy Starlord's ship fires two nuclear torpedos into Sonny Bill Spider's ship, instantly incinerating it. The package is snagged by a lengthy magnetic tow cable. "Parcel transferred."
16:00:48: Iggy Starlord was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Ignoracious Buttafucco. Luckily, Iggy Starlord vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
17:00:09: Iggy Starlord was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Ignoracious Buttafucco. Luckily, Iggy Starlord vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
18:00:39: Ignoracious Buttafucco does not normally mourn death. Ignoracious Buttafucco is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Ignoracious Buttafucco thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Iggy Starlord emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Iggy Starlord dove, taking a shot mid-air. Iggy Starlord was not thinking about human connection, unlike Ignoracious Buttafucco. This is arguably why Ignoracious Buttafucco was shot in the gut. Iggy Starlord resumes their delivery, package in tow.
19:00:40: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Blaylock Samson hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Blaylock Samson has used it, targeting Iggy Starlord's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Iggy Starlord's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Blaylock Samson's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Iggy Starlord dips their ship, skirting past Blaylock Samson and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
19:24:41: Package delivered by Iggy Starlord for $260,000