12:53:01: Package picked up by Toe Cutter
12:53:02: Ignoracious Buttafucco misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Toe Cutter. Toe Cutter resumes delivery of their package.
13:00:32: Ignoracious Buttafucco does not normally mourn death. Ignoracious Buttafucco is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Ignoracious Buttafucco thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Toe Cutter emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Toe Cutter dove, taking a shot mid-air. Toe Cutter was not thinking about human connection, unlike Ignoracious Buttafucco. This is arguably why Ignoracious Buttafucco was shot in the gut. Toe Cutter resumes their delivery, package in tow.
14:00:44: Mac Nielson stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Toe Cutter's destruction. Instead Toe Cutter resumes on their way, Mac Nielson's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
15:00:30: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Toe Cutter to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Toe Cutter came into view. Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Toe Cutter running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Toe Cutter continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
16:00:27: Blaylock Samson tried to sneak on board Toe Cutter's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Toe Cutter continues their delivery.
17:00:37: Someone once told Blaylock Samson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Toe Cutter got one over on Blaylock Samson once before. So definitely, for Blaylock Samson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Blaylock Samson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Blaylock Samson see's Toe Cutter running hurriedly down the street. Blaylock Samson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Blaylock Samson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Toe Cutter doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Blaylock Samson did not see before. Blaylock Samson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Toe Cutter escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
18:00:58: Toe Cutter is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Toe Cutter smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Toe Cutter lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Toe Cutter's adrenaline. Blaylock Samson fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Toe Cutter. "Not today, my friend." Toe Cutter twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Blaylock Samson four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
19:00:37: Toe Cutter is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Toe Cutter smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Toe Cutter lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Toe Cutter's adrenaline. Ignoracious Buttafucco fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Toe Cutter. "Not today, my friend." Toe Cutter twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Ignoracious Buttafucco four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
20:00:37: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Toe Cutter got one over on Ignoracious Buttafucco once before. So definitely, for Ignoracious Buttafucco, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Ignoracious Buttafucco stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Ignoracious Buttafucco see's Toe Cutter running hurriedly down the street. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Toe Cutter doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Ignoracious Buttafucco did not see before. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Toe Cutter escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
20:53:01: Package delivered by Toe Cutter for $180,000