06:46:56: Package picked up by Iggy Starlord
06:46:57: Blaylock Samson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Iggy Starlord after a failed package theft attempt. Iggy Starlord resumes on their way.
07:00:23: Ignoracious Buttafucco does not normally mourn death. Ignoracious Buttafucco is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Ignoracious Buttafucco thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Iggy Starlord emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Iggy Starlord dove, taking a shot mid-air. Iggy Starlord was not thinking about human connection, unlike Ignoracious Buttafucco. This is arguably why Ignoracious Buttafucco was shot in the gut. Iggy Starlord resumes their delivery, package in tow.
08:00:27: Iggy Starlord was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Blaylock Samson. Luckily, Iggy Starlord vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
09:00:26: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Ignoracious Buttafucco has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Iggy Starlord ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Iggy Starlord almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Ignoracious Buttafucco's trap. Frantic, Iggy Starlord activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Iggy Starlord hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Ignoracious Buttafucco manically runs after Iggy Starlord firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Iggy Starlord's grenades, losing a leg. Iggy Starlord continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
10:00:27: Ignoracious Buttafucco is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Iggy Starlord after a failed package theft attempt. Iggy Starlord resumes on their way.
11:00:27: Blaylock Samson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Iggy Starlord after a failed package theft attempt. Iggy Starlord resumes on their way.
12:00:22: Iggy Starlord was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Ignoracious Buttafucco. Luckily, Iggy Starlord vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
12:05:11: Someone once told Sonny Bill Spider that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Sonny Bill Spider knows Iggy Starlord has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Sonny Bill Spider but the time is almost here. Iggy Starlord's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Sonny Bill Spider's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Sonny Bill Spider is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Sonny Bill Spider the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Iggy Starlord's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
13:00:32: Ignoracious Buttafucco misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Iggy Starlord. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery of their package.
14:00:23: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Mac Nielson has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Iggy Starlord ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Iggy Starlord almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Mac Nielson's trap. Frantic, Iggy Starlord activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Iggy Starlord hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Mac Nielson manically runs after Iggy Starlord firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Iggy Starlord's grenades, losing a leg. Iggy Starlord continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
14:07:50: Someone once told Sonny Bill Spider that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Sonny Bill Spider knows Iggy Starlord has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Sonny Bill Spider but the time is almost here. Iggy Starlord's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Sonny Bill Spider's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Sonny Bill Spider is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Sonny Bill Spider the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Iggy Starlord's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
14:07:58: The wonderful thing about lasers, although expensive, is their ability to slice entirely through a surface and sever. Iggy Starlord rounds a corner and only has a split second to see a blinding red light, before being decapitated by a slicingly accurate laser blast from Sonny Bill Spider. The package rolls to their feet. "Parcel transferred." Sonny Bill Spider resumes delivery of the stolen package.
14:20:54: Iggy Starlord bludgeons Sonny Bill Spider unconscious with a large metal crowbar, laughing and dancing over their bloody mangled body. "Parcel transferred."
14:47:07: Package delivered by Iggy Starlord for $260,000