12:40:19: Package picked up by Column McClowed
12:40:20: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Column McClowed got one over on Ignoracious Buttafucco once before. So definitely, for Ignoracious Buttafucco, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Ignoracious Buttafucco stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Ignoracious Buttafucco see's Column McClowed running hurriedly down the street. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Column McClowed doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Ignoracious Buttafucco did not see before. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Column McClowed escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
13:00:24: Blaylock Samson stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Column McClowed's destruction. Instead Column McClowed resumes on their way, Blaylock Samson's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
13:44:30: Sonny Bill Spider's ship fires two nuclear torpedos into Column McClowed's ship, instantly incinerating it. The package is snagged by a lengthy magnetic tow cable. "Parcel transferred."
13:52:41: Column McClowed does not normally mourn death. Column McClowed is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Column McClowed thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Sonny Bill Spider emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Sonny Bill Spider dove, taking a shot mid-air. Sonny Bill Spider was not thinking about human connection, unlike Column McClowed. This is arguably why Column McClowed was shot in the gut. Sonny Bill Spider resumes their delivery, package in tow.
13:53:13: Someone once told Column McClowed that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Column McClowed knows Sonny Bill Spider has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Column McClowed but the time is almost here. Sonny Bill Spider's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Column McClowed's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Column McClowed is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Column McClowed the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Sonny Bill Spider's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
13:53:49: Column McClowed shot a missile at Sonny Bill Spider and obliterated their ship. All that was left was the package which was picked up and continued its journey with Column McClowed.
14:00:20: Blaylock Samson does not normally mourn death. Blaylock Samson is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Blaylock Samson thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Column McClowed emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Column McClowed dove, taking a shot mid-air. Column McClowed was not thinking about human connection, unlike Blaylock Samson. This is arguably why Blaylock Samson was shot in the gut. Column McClowed resumes their delivery, package in tow.
15:00:23: Mac Nielson misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Column McClowed. Column McClowed resumes delivery of their package.
16:00:39: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Mac Nielson hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Mac Nielson has used it, targeting Column McClowed's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Column McClowed's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Mac Nielson's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Column McClowed dips their ship, skirting past Mac Nielson and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
17:00:25: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Mac Nielson hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Mac Nielson has used it, targeting Column McClowed's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Column McClowed's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Mac Nielson's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Column McClowed dips their ship, skirting past Mac Nielson and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
18:00:41: Mac Nielson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Column McClowed after a failed package theft attempt. Column McClowed resumes on their way.
19:00:26: Someone once told Mac Nielson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Column McClowed got one over on Mac Nielson once before. So definitely, for Mac Nielson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Mac Nielson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Mac Nielson see's Column McClowed running hurriedly down the street. Mac Nielson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Mac Nielson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Column McClowed doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Mac Nielson did not see before. Mac Nielson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Column McClowed escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
20:00:43: Blaylock Samson misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Column McClowed. Column McClowed resumes delivery of their package.
20:40:24: Package delivered by Column McClowed for $260,000