17:12:33: Package picked up by Leroy Palestine
17:12:34: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
18:02:02: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
19:01:24: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco)'s trap. Frantic, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) manically runs after @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s grenades, losing a leg. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
20:03:59: Someone once told @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) knows @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) but the time is almost here. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship comes over the horizon. There it is. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco)'s finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
21:00:52: Someone once told @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) got one over on @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) see's @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) did not see before. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
22:01:08: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery of their package.
23:01:03: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson). This is arguably why @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
23:41:54: Someone once told @peepso_user_459(Elizabeth Buchholz) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) got one over on @peepso_user_459(Elizabeth Buchholz) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_459(Elizabeth Buchholz), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_459(Elizabeth Buchholz) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_459(Elizabeth Buchholz) see's @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_459(Elizabeth Buchholz) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_459(Elizabeth Buchholz) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_459(Elizabeth Buchholz) did not see before. @peepso_user_459(Elizabeth Buchholz) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
00:51:01: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born @peepso_user_459(Elizabeth Buchholz) on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as @peepso_user_459(Elizabeth Buchholz) swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
01:12:34: Package delivered by Elizabeth Buchholz for $180,000