04:58:25: Package picked up by Calto Fremis
04:58:27: Ignoracious Buttafucco stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Calto Fremis's destruction. Instead Calto Fremis resumes on their way, Ignoracious Buttafucco's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
05:00:29: Calto Fremis was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Blaylock Samson. Luckily, Calto Fremis vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Calto Fremis resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
06:00:18: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Calto Fremis to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Calto Fremis came into view. Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Calto Fremis running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Calto Fremis continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
06:28:04: Sonny Bill Spider is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Calto Fremis after a failed package theft attempt. Calto Fremis resumes on their way.
06:28:16: Calto Fremis was feeling THAT feeling. The feeling of the win just over the horizon. A smile crept across Calto Fremis's face, thinking of exactly what they would use these credits to purchase, when Sonny Bill Spider launched an electrified bola at their feet. Calto Fremis can't quite internalize that the most painful step is also the most confident, as a dart is lodged into their neck before Calto Fremis's head even hits the ground, bringing on many hours of sleep. Sonny Bill Spider smiles as their delivery bracelet emits the familiar "Parcel transferred" message.
07:00:24: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Mac Nielson has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Sonny Bill Spider ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Sonny Bill Spider almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Mac Nielson's trap. Frantic, Sonny Bill Spider activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Sonny Bill Spider hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Mac Nielson manically runs after Sonny Bill Spider firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Sonny Bill Spider's grenades, losing a leg. Sonny Bill Spider continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
07:54:38: Sonny Bill Spider took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Calto Fremis, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Calto Fremis currently has the package.
08:00:16: Calto Fremis was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Blaylock Samson. Luckily, Calto Fremis vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Calto Fremis resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
08:00:16: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Sonny Bill Spider hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Sonny Bill Spider has used it, targeting Calto Fremis's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Calto Fremis's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Sonny Bill Spider's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Calto Fremis dips their ship, skirting past Sonny Bill Spider and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
08:00:26: Calto Fremis has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. Calto Fremis is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, Sonny Bill Spider" scrawled on it in pink paint. Sonny Bill Spider picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of Calto Fremis. Fuck eaten. Good job, Sonny Bill Spider. "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
08:10:47: The wonderful thing about lasers, although expensive, is their ability to slice entirely through a surface and sever. Sonny Bill Spider rounds a corner and only has a split second to see a blinding red light, before being decapitated by a slicingly accurate laser blast from Calto Fremis. The package rolls to their feet. "Parcel transferred." Calto Fremis resumes delivery of the stolen package.
08:12:04: Sonny Bill Spider misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Calto Fremis. Calto Fremis resumes delivery of their package.
08:12:10: Sonny Bill Spider shot a missile at Calto Fremis and obliterated their ship. All that was left was the package which was picked up and continued its journey with Sonny Bill Spider.
08:22:48: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Calto Fremis has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Sonny Bill Spider ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Sonny Bill Spider almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Calto Fremis's trap. Frantic, Sonny Bill Spider activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Sonny Bill Spider hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Calto Fremis manically runs after Sonny Bill Spider firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Sonny Bill Spider's grenades, losing a leg. Sonny Bill Spider continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
08:58:25: Package delivered by Sonny Bill Spider for $280,000