01:26:31: Package picked up by Sonny Bill Spider
01:26:32: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Sonny Bill Spider got one over on Ignoracious Buttafucco once before. So definitely, for Ignoracious Buttafucco, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Ignoracious Buttafucco stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Ignoracious Buttafucco see's Sonny Bill Spider running hurriedly down the street. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Sonny Bill Spider doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Ignoracious Buttafucco did not see before. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Sonny Bill Spider escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
02:00:20: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Blaylock Samson hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Blaylock Samson has used it, targeting Sonny Bill Spider's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Sonny Bill Spider's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Blaylock Samson's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Sonny Bill Spider dips their ship, skirting past Blaylock Samson and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
03:00:27: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Mac Nielson has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Sonny Bill Spider ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Sonny Bill Spider almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Mac Nielson's trap. Frantic, Sonny Bill Spider activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Sonny Bill Spider hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Mac Nielson manically runs after Sonny Bill Spider firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Sonny Bill Spider's grenades, losing a leg. Sonny Bill Spider continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
04:00:31: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Blaylock Samson hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Blaylock Samson has used it, targeting Sonny Bill Spider's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Sonny Bill Spider's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Blaylock Samson's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Sonny Bill Spider dips their ship, skirting past Blaylock Samson and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
05:00:37: Blaylock Samson does not normally mourn death. Blaylock Samson is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Blaylock Samson thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Sonny Bill Spider emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Sonny Bill Spider dove, taking a shot mid-air. Sonny Bill Spider was not thinking about human connection, unlike Blaylock Samson. This is arguably why Blaylock Samson was shot in the gut. Sonny Bill Spider resumes their delivery, package in tow.
06:00:27: Sonny Bill Spider is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Sonny Bill Spider smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Sonny Bill Spider lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Sonny Bill Spider's adrenaline. Mac Nielson fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Sonny Bill Spider. "Not today, my friend." Sonny Bill Spider twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Mac Nielson four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
07:00:44: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Sonny Bill Spider to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Sonny Bill Spider came into view. Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Sonny Bill Spider running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Sonny Bill Spider continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
08:00:25: Blaylock Samson misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Sonny Bill Spider. Sonny Bill Spider resumes delivery of their package.
09:00:33: Mac Nielson does not normally mourn death. Mac Nielson is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Mac Nielson thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Sonny Bill Spider emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Sonny Bill Spider dove, taking a shot mid-air. Sonny Bill Spider was not thinking about human connection, unlike Mac Nielson. This is arguably why Mac Nielson was shot in the gut. Sonny Bill Spider resumes their delivery, package in tow.
09:27:32: Package delivered by Sonny Bill Spider for $180,000