06:38:11: Package picked up by Iggy Starlord
06:38:12: Iggy Starlord is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Iggy Starlord smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Iggy Starlord lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Iggy Starlord's adrenaline. Blaylock Samson fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Iggy Starlord. "Not today, my friend." Iggy Starlord twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Blaylock Samson four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
07:00:46: Ignoracious Buttafucco is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Iggy Starlord after a failed package theft attempt. Iggy Starlord resumes on their way.
08:00:26: Mac Nielson misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Iggy Starlord. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery of their package.
08:00:48: Iggy Starlord was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Sonny Bill Spider. Luckily, Iggy Starlord vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
08:01:14: Sonny Bill Spider shot a missile at Iggy Starlord and obliterated their ship. All that was left was the package which was picked up and continued its journey with Sonny Bill Spider.
09:00:31: Blaylock Samson tried to sneak on board Sonny Bill Spider's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Sonny Bill Spider continues their delivery.
10:00:21: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Mac Nielson hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Mac Nielson has used it, targeting Sonny Bill Spider's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Sonny Bill Spider's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Mac Nielson's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Sonny Bill Spider dips their ship, skirting past Mac Nielson and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
11:00:25: Blaylock Samson misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Sonny Bill Spider. Sonny Bill Spider resumes delivery of their package.
12:00:29: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Ignoracious Buttafucco hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Ignoracious Buttafucco has used it, targeting Sonny Bill Spider's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Sonny Bill Spider's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Ignoracious Buttafucco's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Sonny Bill Spider dips their ship, skirting past Ignoracious Buttafucco and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
12:19:49: Sonny Bill Spider takes two shotgun blasts directly to the spine from Iggy Starlord, who continues on their way with the package. "Parcel transferred." Sonny Bill Spider will be paying a deductible to get this fixed.
12:52:08: Sonny Bill Spider's ship fires two nuclear torpedos into Iggy Starlord's ship, instantly incinerating it. The package is snagged by a lengthy magnetic tow cable. "Parcel transferred."
13:00:18: Someone once told Blaylock Samson that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Blaylock Samson knows Sonny Bill Spider has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Blaylock Samson but the time is almost here. Sonny Bill Spider's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Blaylock Samson's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Blaylock Samson is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Blaylock Samson the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Sonny Bill Spider's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
14:00:43: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Blaylock Samson. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Blaylock Samson mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Blaylock Samson took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Blaylock Samson put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Blaylock Samson crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Sonny Bill Spider to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Sonny Bill Spider came into view. Blaylock Samson pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Blaylock Samson had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Blaylock Samson barely heard Sonny Bill Spider running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Sonny Bill Spider continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
14:38:13: Package delivered by Sonny Bill Spider for $260,000