05:56:03: Package picked up by Roy Sharpton
05:56:04: Someone once told Blaylock Samson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Roy Sharpton got one over on Blaylock Samson once before. So definitely, for Blaylock Samson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Blaylock Samson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Blaylock Samson see's Roy Sharpton running hurriedly down the street. Blaylock Samson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Blaylock Samson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Roy Sharpton doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Blaylock Samson did not see before. Blaylock Samson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Roy Sharpton escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
06:33:14: Roy Sharpton has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. Roy Sharpton is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, Harrison Ware" scrawled on it in pink paint. Harrison Ware picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of Roy Sharpton. Fuck eaten. Good job, Harrison Ware. "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
07:06:57: Harrison Ware leaps off of a second story building on to a tall dumpster, shortening the fall. Unfortunately this dumpster is full of explosives placed by Roy Sharpton. Roy Sharpton smiles as they plunge their thumb onto the detonator switch, their face ignited by a pillar of flames as Harrison Ware is incinerated. Roy Sharpton throws the detonator over their shoulder as they pick up the package that rolls to their feet as if it was meant for them. Roy Sharpton breaks into a fast run, taking the stolen package with them. "Parcel transferred," emits from their delivery bracelet signifying even more credits to be earned. "Parcel transferred, indeed," Roy Sharpton whispers in reply.
07:21:32: Someone once told Harrison Ware that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Harrison Ware knows Roy Sharpton has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Harrison Ware but the time is almost here. Roy Sharpton's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Harrison Ware's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Harrison Ware is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Harrison Ware the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Roy Sharpton's thief rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
07:21:46: Roy Sharpton was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Harrison Ware. Luckily, Roy Sharpton vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Roy Sharpton resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
07:21:51: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Harrison Ware. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Harrison Ware mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Harrison Ware took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Harrison Ware put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Harrison Ware crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Roy Sharpton to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Roy Sharpton came into view. Harrison Ware pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Harrison Ware had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Harrison Ware barely heard Roy Sharpton running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Roy Sharpton continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
07:22:05: Harrison Ware shot a missile at Roy Sharpton and obliterated their ship. All that was left was the package which was picked up and continued its journey with Harrison Ware.
09:28:24: Someone once told Leroy Palestine that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Leroy Palestine knows Harrison Ware has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Leroy Palestine but the time is almost here. Harrison Ware's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Leroy Palestine's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Leroy Palestine is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Leroy Palestine the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Harrison Ware's thief rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
09:28:30: Harrison Ware took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Leroy Palestine, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Leroy Palestine currently has the package.
14:22:12: Package delivered by Leroy Palestine for $180,000