12:16:01: Package picked up by Column McClowed
12:16:02: Column McClowed was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Mac Nielson. Luckily, Column McClowed vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Column McClowed resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
13:00:40: Mac Nielson tried to sneak on board Column McClowed's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Column McClowed continues their delivery.
14:00:34: Ignoracious Buttafucco is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Column McClowed after a failed package theft attempt. Column McClowed resumes on their way.
15:00:43: Column McClowed was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Ignoracious Buttafucco. Luckily, Column McClowed vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Column McClowed resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
15:03:24: The wonderful thing about lasers, although expensive, is their ability to slice entirely through a surface and sever. Column McClowed rounds a corner and only has a split second to see a blinding red light, before being decapitated by a slicingly accurate laser blast from L.R. Snipestress. The package rolls to their feet. "Parcel transferred." L.R. Snipestress resumes delivery of the stolen package.
15:26:31: L.R. Snipestress took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Leroy Palestine, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Leroy Palestine currently has the package.
16:00:41: Ignoracious Buttafucco tried to sneak on board Leroy Palestine's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Leroy Palestine continues their delivery.
16:09:37: Leroy Palestine is riddled with repetitive machine gun fire from Column McClowed, falling to their knees and letting the package slip from their fingers. "Parcel transferred." Column McClowed resumes delivery with the package.
16:16:02: Package delivered by Column McClowed for $160,000