14:31:24: Package picked up by Leroy Palestine
14:31:25: Blaylock Samson steadily took aim from a second story window as Leroy Palestine ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Blaylock Samson inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Leroy Palestine resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
15:00:37: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Ignoracious Buttafucco has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Leroy Palestine ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Leroy Palestine almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Ignoracious Buttafucco's trap. Frantic, Leroy Palestine activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Leroy Palestine hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Ignoracious Buttafucco manically runs after Leroy Palestine firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Leroy Palestine's grenades, losing a leg. Leroy Palestine continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
15:11:47: Someone once told Long Dread that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Long Dread knows Leroy Palestine has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Long Dread but the time is almost here. Leroy Palestine's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Long Dread's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Long Dread is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Long Dread the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Leroy Palestine's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
15:11:58: Someone once told Long Dread that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Long Dread knows Leroy Palestine has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Long Dread but the time is almost here. Leroy Palestine's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Long Dread's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Long Dread is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Long Dread the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Leroy Palestine's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
15:12:08: Someone once told Long Dread the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Leroy Palestine got one over on Long Dread once before. So definitely, for Long Dread, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Long Dread stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Long Dread see's Leroy Palestine running hurriedly down the street. Long Dread takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Long Dread ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Leroy Palestine doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Long Dread did not see before. Long Dread takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Leroy Palestine escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
15:12:15: Leroy Palestine was feeling THAT feeling. The feeling of the win just over the horizon. A smile crept across Leroy Palestine's face, thinking of exactly what they would use these credits to purchase, when Long Dread launched an electrified bola at their feet. Leroy Palestine can't quite internalize that the most painful step is also the most confident, as a dart is lodged into their neck before Leroy Palestine's head even hits the ground, bringing on many hours of sleep. Long Dread smiles as their delivery bracelet emits the familiar "Parcel transferred" message.
15:13:53: Leroy Palestine bludgeons Long Dread unconscious with a large metal crowbar, laughing and dancing over their bloody mangled body. "Parcel transferred."
15:27:57: L.R. Snipestress steadily took aim from a second story window as Leroy Palestine ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, L.R. Snipestress inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Leroy Palestine resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
15:28:20: Long Dread successfully spears Leroy Palestine to a wall through their chest. Leroy Palestine has time to yell, "You bastard," as Long Dread snags the package from the ground in front of them. "Parcel transferred."
15:28:36: Long Dread is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Long Dread smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Long Dread lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Long Dread's adrenaline. Sable Nyx fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Long Dread. "Not today, my friend." Long Dread twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Sable Nyx four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
15:28:38: Sable Nyx stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Long Dread's destruction. Instead Long Dread resumes on their way, Sable Nyx's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
15:28:41: Sable Nyx bludgeons Long Dread unconscious with a large metal crowbar, laughing and dancing over their bloody mangled body. "Parcel transferred."
15:29:17: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Long Dread. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Long Dread mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Long Dread took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Long Dread put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Long Dread crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Sable Nyx to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Sable Nyx came into view. Long Dread pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Long Dread had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Long Dread barely heard Sable Nyx running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Sable Nyx continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
15:29:26: Long Dread stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Sable Nyx's destruction. Instead Sable Nyx resumes on their way, Long Dread's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
15:29:35: The smell of Sable Nyx's completely immolated ship flares up Long Dread's nostrils as a tow cable yanks the package from the flaming wreck. "Parcel transferred" emit's from Long Dread's bracelet, signaling more credits to be made. Long Dread continues towards the delivery point, package in tow.
15:29:56: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Sable Nyx. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Sable Nyx mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Sable Nyx took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Sable Nyx put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Sable Nyx crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Long Dread to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Long Dread came into view. Sable Nyx pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Sable Nyx had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Sable Nyx barely heard Long Dread running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Long Dread continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
15:30:00: The wonderful thing about lasers, although expensive, is their ability to slice entirely through a surface and sever. Long Dread rounds a corner and only has a split second to see a blinding red light, before being decapitated by a slicingly accurate laser blast from Sable Nyx. The package rolls to their feet. "Parcel transferred." Sable Nyx resumes delivery of the stolen package.
15:30:22: Sable Nyx took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Long Dread, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Long Dread currently has the package.
15:31:00: Sable Nyx shot a missile at Long Dread and obliterated their ship. All that was left was the package which was picked up and continued its journey with Sable Nyx.
15:31:06: Long Dread stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Sable Nyx's destruction. Instead Sable Nyx resumes on their way, Long Dread's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
15:31:10: Long Dread stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Sable Nyx's destruction. Instead Sable Nyx resumes on their way, Long Dread's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
15:31:14: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Long Dread has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Sable Nyx ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Sable Nyx almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Long Dread's trap. Frantic, Sable Nyx activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Sable Nyx hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Long Dread manically runs after Sable Nyx firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Sable Nyx's grenades, losing a leg. Sable Nyx continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
15:31:18: Sable Nyx is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born Long Dread on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as Long Dread swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
15:31:21: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Sable Nyx. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Sable Nyx mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Sable Nyx took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Sable Nyx put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Sable Nyx crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Long Dread to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Long Dread came into view. Sable Nyx pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Sable Nyx had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Sable Nyx barely heard Long Dread running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Long Dread continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
15:31:24: Long Dread takes two shotgun blasts directly to the spine from Sable Nyx, who continues on their way with the package. "Parcel transferred." Long Dread will be paying a deductible to get this fixed.
15:31:25: Package delivered by Sable Nyx for $500,000