15:59:59: Package picked up by Leroy Palestine
16:00:00: Mac Nielson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Leroy Palestine after a failed package theft attempt. Leroy Palestine resumes on their way.
17:00:06: Leroy Palestine is riddled with repetitive machine gun fire from Toe Cutter, falling to their knees and letting the package slip from their fingers. "Parcel transferred." Toe Cutter resumes delivery with the package.
17:00:12: Someone once told Blaylock Samson that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Blaylock Samson knows Toe Cutter has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Blaylock Samson but the time is almost here. Toe Cutter's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Blaylock Samson's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Blaylock Samson is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Blaylock Samson the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Toe Cutter's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
17:09:13: Leroy Palestine shot a missile at Toe Cutter and obliterated their ship. All that was left was the package which was picked up and continued its journey with Leroy Palestine.
18:01:42: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Ignoracious Buttafucco has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Leroy Palestine ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Leroy Palestine almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Ignoracious Buttafucco's trap. Frantic, Leroy Palestine activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Leroy Palestine hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Ignoracious Buttafucco manically runs after Leroy Palestine firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Leroy Palestine's grenades, losing a leg. Leroy Palestine continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
19:11:54: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Blaylock Samson. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Blaylock Samson mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Blaylock Samson took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Blaylock Samson put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Blaylock Samson crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Leroy Palestine to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Leroy Palestine came into view. Blaylock Samson pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Blaylock Samson had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Blaylock Samson barely heard Leroy Palestine running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Leroy Palestine continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
20:16:05: Leroy Palestine is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Leroy Palestine smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Leroy Palestine lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Leroy Palestine's adrenaline. Mac Nielson fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Leroy Palestine. "Not today, my friend." Leroy Palestine twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Mac Nielson four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
20:16:17: Leroy Palestine was feeling THAT feeling. The feeling of the win just over the horizon. A smile crept across Leroy Palestine's face, thinking of exactly what they would use these credits to purchase, when Toe Cutter launched an electrified bola at their feet. Leroy Palestine can't quite internalize that the most painful step is also the most confident, as a dart is lodged into their neck before Leroy Palestine's head even hits the ground, bringing on many hours of sleep. Toe Cutter smiles as their delivery bracelet emits the familiar "Parcel transferred" message.
21:34:24: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Ignoracious Buttafucco has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Toe Cutter ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Toe Cutter almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Ignoracious Buttafucco's trap. Frantic, Toe Cutter activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Toe Cutter hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Ignoracious Buttafucco manically runs after Toe Cutter firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Toe Cutter's grenades, losing a leg. Toe Cutter continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
22:36:54: Ignoracious Buttafucco is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Toe Cutter after a failed package theft attempt. Toe Cutter resumes on their way.
23:19:22: Ignoracious Buttafucco does not normally mourn death. Ignoracious Buttafucco is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Ignoracious Buttafucco thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Toe Cutter emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Toe Cutter dove, taking a shot mid-air. Toe Cutter was not thinking about human connection, unlike Ignoracious Buttafucco. This is arguably why Ignoracious Buttafucco was shot in the gut. Toe Cutter resumes their delivery, package in tow.
01:33:12: Package delivered by Toe Cutter for $220,000