05:37:51: Package picked up by Leroy Palestine
05:37:52: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) tried to sneak on board @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) continues their delivery.
05:47:10: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) is riddled with repetitive machine gun fire from @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman), falling to their knees and letting the package slip from their fingers. "Parcel transferred." @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) resumes delivery with the package.
05:54:35: The wonderful thing about lasers, although expensive, is their ability to slice entirely through a surface and sever. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) rounds a corner and only has a split second to see a blinding red light, before being decapitated by a slicingly accurate laser blast from @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). The package rolls to their feet. "Parcel transferred." @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery of the stolen package.
06:00:25: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
06:06:19: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
06:11:31: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
06:11:37: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
06:11:43: @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
06:11:48: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis). @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) resumes delivery of their package.
06:11:54: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis). @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) resumes delivery of their package.
06:11:57: Someone once told @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) got one over on @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) see's @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) did not see before. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
06:12:02: @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)" scrawled on it in pink paint. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis). Fuck eaten. Good job, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
07:06:50: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
07:49:44: @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) bludgeons @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) unconscious with a large metal crowbar, laughing and dancing over their bloody mangled body. "Parcel transferred."
08:01:26: Someone once told @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) got one over on @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) see's @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) did not see before. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
09:03:11: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
10:48:34: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson)'s trap. Frantic, @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) manically runs after @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman)'s grenades, losing a leg. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
11:34:45: @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
12:18:06: Someone once told @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) got one over on @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) see's @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) did not see before. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
13:09:00: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_154(Michael Bruggman) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
13:44:03: Package delivered by Michael Bruggman for $400,000