04:50:16: Package picked up by Leroy Palestine
04:50:17: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) after a failed package theft attempt. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes on their way.
05:00:34: Someone once told @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) got one over on @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) see's @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) did not see before. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
06:03:55: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
07:02:37: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery of their package.
08:05:59: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
09:01:16: Someone once told @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) knows @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) but the time is almost here. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship comes over the horizon. There it is. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson)'s finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
10:03:07: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
11:01:43: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
12:07:33: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) came into view. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) barely heard @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
12:51:11: Package delivered by Leroy Palestine for $180,000