08:00:20: Package picked up by Remi Delux
08:00:21: Blaylock Samson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Remi Delux after a failed package theft attempt. Remi Delux resumes on their way.
09:00:42: Ignoracious Buttafucco tried to sneak on board Remi Delux's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Remi Delux continues their delivery.
10:09:03: Remi Delux is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Remi Delux smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Remi Delux lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Remi Delux's adrenaline. Mac Nielson fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Remi Delux. "Not today, my friend." Remi Delux twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Mac Nielson four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
11:18:33: Remi Delux is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Remi Delux smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Remi Delux lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Remi Delux's adrenaline. Ignoracious Buttafucco fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Remi Delux. "Not today, my friend." Remi Delux twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Ignoracious Buttafucco four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
11:18:42: As Remi Delux rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all Iggy Starlord needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of Remi Delux. "Parcel transferred."
12:00:07: Iggy Starlord was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Mac Nielson. Luckily, Iggy Starlord vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
13:00:33: Someone once told Mac Nielson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Iggy Starlord got one over on Mac Nielson once before. So definitely, for Mac Nielson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Mac Nielson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Mac Nielson see's Iggy Starlord running hurriedly down the street. Mac Nielson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Mac Nielson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Iggy Starlord doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Mac Nielson did not see before. Mac Nielson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Iggy Starlord escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
14:00:23: Mac Nielson steadily took aim from a second story window as Iggy Starlord ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Mac Nielson inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Iggy Starlord resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
15:26:10: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Mac Nielson. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Mac Nielson mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Mac Nielson took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Mac Nielson put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Mac Nielson crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Iggy Starlord to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Iggy Starlord came into view. Mac Nielson pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Mac Nielson had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Mac Nielson barely heard Iggy Starlord running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Iggy Starlord continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
16:00:55: Package delivered by Iggy Starlord for $180,000