10:26:44: Package picked up by L.R. Snipestress
10:26:45: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco knows L.R. Snipestress has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Ignoracious Buttafucco but the time is almost here. L.R. Snipestress's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Ignoracious Buttafucco's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Ignoracious Buttafucco is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Ignoracious Buttafucco the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. L.R. Snipestress's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
11:00:51: L.R. Snipestress was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Blaylock Samson. Luckily, L.R. Snipestress vaulted over it, only severing one foot. L.R. Snipestress resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
11:24:40: L.R. Snipestress has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. L.R. Snipestress is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, Feisty Gazebo" scrawled on it in pink paint. Feisty Gazebo picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of L.R. Snipestress. Fuck eaten. Good job, Feisty Gazebo. "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
12:00:51: Someone once told Mac Nielson that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Mac Nielson knows Feisty Gazebo has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Mac Nielson but the time is almost here. Feisty Gazebo's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Mac Nielson's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Mac Nielson is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Mac Nielson the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Feisty Gazebo's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
13:00:50: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Feisty Gazebo to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Feisty Gazebo came into view. Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Feisty Gazebo running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Feisty Gazebo continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
13:50:20: Leroy Palestine misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Feisty Gazebo. Feisty Gazebo resumes delivery of their package.
13:50:25: Feisty Gazebo took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Leroy Palestine, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Leroy Palestine currently has the package.
14:00:52: Someone once told Blaylock Samson that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Blaylock Samson knows Leroy Palestine has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Blaylock Samson but the time is almost here. Leroy Palestine's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Blaylock Samson's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Blaylock Samson is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Blaylock Samson the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Leroy Palestine's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
14:07:24: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Feisty Gazebo hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Feisty Gazebo has used it, targeting Leroy Palestine's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Leroy Palestine's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Feisty Gazebo's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Leroy Palestine dips their ship, skirting past Feisty Gazebo and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
14:11:56: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Feisty Gazebo hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Feisty Gazebo has used it, targeting Leroy Palestine's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Leroy Palestine's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Feisty Gazebo's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Leroy Palestine dips their ship, skirting past Feisty Gazebo and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
14:25:00: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Feisty Gazebo has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Leroy Palestine ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Leroy Palestine almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Feisty Gazebo's trap. Frantic, Leroy Palestine activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Leroy Palestine hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Feisty Gazebo manically runs after Leroy Palestine firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Leroy Palestine's grenades, losing a leg. Leroy Palestine continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
14:27:32: Package delivered by Leroy Palestine for $220,000