04:48:07: Package picked up by Calto Fremis
04:48:08: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) came into view. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) barely heard @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
05:00:32: @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco). Luckily, @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) vaulted over it, only severing one foot. @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
06:00:40: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis). @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) resumes delivery of their package.
06:04:35: As @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis) rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter) needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of @peepso_user_25(Calto Fremis). "Parcel transferred."
07:00:27: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter). @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter) resumes delivery of their package.
08:00:20: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) tried to sneak on board @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter)'s ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter) continues their delivery.
08:48:20: Package delivered by Toe Cutter for $120,000