07:44:05: Package picked up by Sonny Bill Spider
07:44:06: Sonny Bill Spider is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Sonny Bill Spider smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Sonny Bill Spider lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Sonny Bill Spider's adrenaline. Mac Nielson fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Sonny Bill Spider. "Not today, my friend." Sonny Bill Spider twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Mac Nielson four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
08:00:47: Someone once told Mac Nielson that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Mac Nielson knows Sonny Bill Spider has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Mac Nielson but the time is almost here. Sonny Bill Spider's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Mac Nielson's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Mac Nielson is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Mac Nielson the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Sonny Bill Spider's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
09:00:30: Sonny Bill Spider is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Sonny Bill Spider smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Sonny Bill Spider lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Sonny Bill Spider's adrenaline. Ignoracious Buttafucco fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Sonny Bill Spider. "Not today, my friend." Sonny Bill Spider twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Ignoracious Buttafucco four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
10:00:34: Blaylock Samson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Sonny Bill Spider after a failed package theft attempt. Sonny Bill Spider resumes on their way.
11:00:32: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Blaylock Samson hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Blaylock Samson has used it, targeting Sonny Bill Spider's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Sonny Bill Spider's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Blaylock Samson's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Sonny Bill Spider dips their ship, skirting past Blaylock Samson and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
12:00:28: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Mac Nielson. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Mac Nielson mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Mac Nielson took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Mac Nielson put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Mac Nielson crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Sonny Bill Spider to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Sonny Bill Spider came into view. Mac Nielson pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Mac Nielson had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Mac Nielson barely heard Sonny Bill Spider running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Sonny Bill Spider continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
13:00:28: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Blaylock Samson. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Blaylock Samson mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Blaylock Samson took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Blaylock Samson put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Blaylock Samson crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Sonny Bill Spider to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Sonny Bill Spider came into view. Blaylock Samson pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Blaylock Samson had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Blaylock Samson barely heard Sonny Bill Spider running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Sonny Bill Spider continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
13:47:42: Column McClowed's ship rams head-first into Sonny Bill Spider's ship, utilizing a superheated prow to disintegrate Sonny Bill Spider's cockpit. The package is snagged by Column McClowed after a daring space walk. "Parcel transferred."
14:00:28: Mac Nielson misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Column McClowed. Column McClowed resumes delivery of their package.
15:00:44: Ignoracious Buttafucco stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Column McClowed's destruction. Instead Column McClowed resumes on their way, Ignoracious Buttafucco's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
15:44:28: Package delivered by Column McClowed for $200,000