07:14:15: Package picked up by Leroy Palestine
07:14:16: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery of their package.
08:41:04: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
09:02:59: Someone once told @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) knows @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) but the time is almost here. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship comes over the horizon. There it is. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson)'s finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
10:31:48: Someone once told @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) got one over on @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) see's @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) did not see before. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
11:02:20: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson). Luckily, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) vaulted over it, only severing one foot. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
12:54:57: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
13:25:27: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
14:04:06: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco). This is arguably why @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
14:11:56: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_108(Richard James) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_108(Richard James) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_108(Richard James)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_108(Richard James) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
14:18:42: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) takes two shotgun blasts directly to the spine from @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok), who continues on their way with the package. "Parcel transferred." @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) will be paying a deductible to get this fixed.
14:32:30: @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) was feeling THAT feeling. The feeling of the win just over the horizon. A smile crept across @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok)'s face, thinking of exactly what they would use these credits to purchase, when @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) launched an electrified bola at their feet. @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) can't quite internalize that the most painful step is also the most confident, as a dart is lodged into their neck before @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok)'s head even hits the ground, bringing on many hours of sleep. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) smiles as their delivery bracelet emits the familiar "Parcel transferred" message.
14:41:30: Someone once told @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) got one over on @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) see's @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) did not see before. @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
14:41:45: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok)" scrawled on it in pink paint. @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). Fuck eaten. Good job, @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok). "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
14:43:35: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s trap. Frantic, @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) manically runs after @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok)'s grenades, losing a leg. @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
14:43:45: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) shot a missile at @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) and obliterated their ship. All that was left was the package which was picked up and continued its journey with @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine).
14:56:17: @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s destruction. Instead @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes on their way, @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok)'s agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
14:56:23: @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) tried to sneak on board @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) continues their delivery.
14:56:27: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) has been sucked into a portable black hole shot from @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok)'s MSK-8500 rifle, not only losing the package to @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok), but flung to unknown reaches of the universe. "Parcel transferred."
14:57:27: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) successfully spears @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) to a wall through their chest. @peepso_user_108(Gotterdammerung Ragnarok) has time to yell, "You bastard," as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) snags the package from the ground in front of them. "Parcel transferred."
14:58:23: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) takes two shotgun blasts directly to the spine from @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo), who continues on their way with the package. "Parcel transferred." @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) will be paying a deductible to get this fixed.
14:59:40: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) fires two pistol shots at @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s kneecaps, dropping them to their knees. "Parcel transferred."
15:00:32: Someone once told @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) knows @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) but the time is almost here. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship comes over the horizon. There it is. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco)'s finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
15:04:01: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
15:04:03: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) successfully spears @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) to a wall through their chest. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) has time to yell, "You bastard," as @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) snags the package from the ground in front of them. "Parcel transferred."
15:08:07: Today started as a uniquely bright one for @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) came into view. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) barely heard @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
15:08:13: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine), tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) currently has the package.
15:13:43: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) bludgeons @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) unconscious with a large metal crowbar, laughing and dancing over their bloody mangled body. "Parcel transferred."
15:14:06: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s trap. Frantic, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) manically runs after @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s grenades, losing a leg. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
15:14:15: Package delivered by Bacon Moo for $560,000