00:06:17: Package picked up by Calto Fremis
00:06:18: Someone once told Blaylock Samson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Calto Fremis got one over on Blaylock Samson once before. So definitely, for Blaylock Samson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Blaylock Samson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Blaylock Samson see's Calto Fremis running hurriedly down the street. Blaylock Samson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Blaylock Samson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Calto Fremis doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Blaylock Samson did not see before. Blaylock Samson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Calto Fremis escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
00:31:54: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as Sonny Bill Spider hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that Sonny Bill Spider has used it, targeting Calto Fremis's ship as it races across the horizon. However, Calto Fremis's ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. Sonny Bill Spider's rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. Calto Fremis dips their ship, skirting past Sonny Bill Spider and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
01:00:20: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Mac Nielson. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Mac Nielson mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Mac Nielson took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Mac Nielson put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Mac Nielson crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Calto Fremis to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Calto Fremis came into view. Mac Nielson pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Mac Nielson had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Mac Nielson barely heard Calto Fremis running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Calto Fremis continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
01:05:27: Sonny Bill Spider steadily took aim from a second story window as Calto Fremis ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Sonny Bill Spider inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Calto Fremis resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
02:00:27: Calto Fremis was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Blaylock Samson. Luckily, Calto Fremis vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Calto Fremis resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
02:42:53: Calto Fremis leaps off of a second story building on to a tall dumpster, shortening the fall. Unfortunately this dumpster is full of explosives placed by Sonny Bill Spider. Sonny Bill Spider smiles as they plunge their thumb onto the detonator switch, their face ignited by a pillar of flames as Calto Fremis is incinerated. Sonny Bill Spider throws the detonator over their shoulder as they pick up the package that rolls to their feet as if it was meant for them. Sonny Bill Spider breaks into a fast run, taking the stolen package with them. "Parcel transferred," emits from their delivery bracelet signifying even more credits to be earned. "Parcel transferred, indeed," Sonny Bill Spider whispers in reply.
03:00:40: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Blaylock Samson. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Blaylock Samson mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Blaylock Samson took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Blaylock Samson put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Blaylock Samson crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Sonny Bill Spider to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Sonny Bill Spider came into view. Blaylock Samson pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Blaylock Samson had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Blaylock Samson barely heard Sonny Bill Spider running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Sonny Bill Spider continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
04:00:27: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Sonny Bill Spider to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Sonny Bill Spider came into view. Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Sonny Bill Spider running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Sonny Bill Spider continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
05:27:00: Ignoracious Buttafucco stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Sonny Bill Spider's destruction. Instead Sonny Bill Spider resumes on their way, Ignoracious Buttafucco's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
05:27:09: Sonny Bill Spider is riddled with repetitive machine gun fire from Calto Fremis, falling to their knees and letting the package slip from their fingers. "Parcel transferred." Calto Fremis resumes delivery with the package.
06:05:03: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Mac Nielson has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Calto Fremis ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Calto Fremis almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Mac Nielson's trap. Frantic, Calto Fremis activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Calto Fremis hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Mac Nielson manically runs after Calto Fremis firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Calto Fremis's grenades, losing a leg. Calto Fremis continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
06:34:39: Sonny Bill Spider is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Calto Fremis after a failed package theft attempt. Calto Fremis resumes on their way.
06:40:23: Calto Fremis is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Calto Fremis smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Calto Fremis lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Calto Fremis's adrenaline. Sonny Bill Spider fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Calto Fremis. "Not today, my friend." Calto Fremis twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Sonny Bill Spider four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
06:45:32: Calto Fremis is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born Sonny Bill Spider on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as Sonny Bill Spider swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
06:50:42: Sonny Bill Spider took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Calto Fremis, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Calto Fremis currently has the package.
06:52:32: Someone once told Sonny Bill Spider the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Calto Fremis got one over on Sonny Bill Spider once before. So definitely, for Sonny Bill Spider, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Sonny Bill Spider stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Sonny Bill Spider see's Calto Fremis running hurriedly down the street. Sonny Bill Spider takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Sonny Bill Spider ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Calto Fremis doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Sonny Bill Spider did not see before. Sonny Bill Spider takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Calto Fremis escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
06:53:46: Sonny Bill Spider's ship fires two nuclear torpedos into Calto Fremis's ship, instantly incinerating it. The package is snagged by a lengthy magnetic tow cable. "Parcel transferred."
07:00:36: Someone once told Blaylock Samson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Sonny Bill Spider got one over on Blaylock Samson once before. So definitely, for Blaylock Samson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Blaylock Samson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Blaylock Samson see's Sonny Bill Spider running hurriedly down the street. Blaylock Samson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Blaylock Samson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Sonny Bill Spider doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Blaylock Samson did not see before. Blaylock Samson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Sonny Bill Spider escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
07:01:49: Sonny Bill Spider is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born Calto Fremis on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as Calto Fremis swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
07:12:31: The smell of Calto Fremis's completely immolated ship flares up Sonny Bill Spider's nostrils as a tow cable yanks the package from the flaming wreck. "Parcel transferred" emit's from Sonny Bill Spider's bracelet, signaling more credits to be made. Sonny Bill Spider continues towards the delivery point, package in tow.
07:21:26: Sonny Bill Spider took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Calto Fremis, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Calto Fremis currently has the package.
07:23:22: The smell of Calto Fremis's completely immolated ship flares up Sonny Bill Spider's nostrils as a tow cable yanks the package from the flaming wreck. "Parcel transferred" emit's from Sonny Bill Spider's bracelet, signaling more credits to be made. Sonny Bill Spider continues towards the delivery point, package in tow.
07:26:33: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Calto Fremis. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Calto Fremis mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Calto Fremis took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Calto Fremis put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Calto Fremis crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Sonny Bill Spider to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Sonny Bill Spider came into view. Calto Fremis pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Calto Fremis had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Calto Fremis barely heard Sonny Bill Spider running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Sonny Bill Spider continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
07:26:39: Calto Fremis does not normally mourn death. Calto Fremis is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Calto Fremis thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Sonny Bill Spider emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Sonny Bill Spider dove, taking a shot mid-air. Sonny Bill Spider was not thinking about human connection, unlike Calto Fremis. This is arguably why Calto Fremis was shot in the gut. Sonny Bill Spider resumes their delivery, package in tow.
07:26:47: Sonny Bill Spider took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Calto Fremis, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Calto Fremis currently has the package.
07:30:06: Calto Fremis takes two shotgun blasts directly to the spine from Sonny Bill Spider, who continues on their way with the package. "Parcel transferred." Calto Fremis will be paying a deductible to get this fixed.
08:03:58: Someone once told Mac Nielson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Sonny Bill Spider got one over on Mac Nielson once before. So definitely, for Mac Nielson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Mac Nielson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Mac Nielson see's Sonny Bill Spider running hurriedly down the street. Mac Nielson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Mac Nielson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Sonny Bill Spider doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Mac Nielson did not see before. Mac Nielson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Sonny Bill Spider escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
08:06:18: Package delivered by Sonny Bill Spider for $540,000