12:41:15: Package picked up by Column McClowed
12:41:16: Column McClowed was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Ignoracious Buttafucco. Luckily, Column McClowed vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Column McClowed resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
12:52:36: Toe Cutter bludgeons Column McClowed unconscious with a large metal crowbar, laughing and dancing over their bloody mangled body. "Parcel transferred."
13:00:31: The delivery point only has one way in, about a hundred yards away from a gated entry. Blaylock Samson has taken the precaution of wrapping that entire entry-way with barbed wire. The only issue with barbed wire in this day and age is that once spotted, it can be avoided. Toe Cutter ignites their rocket boots, attempting to vault over the death trap. Toe Cutter almost makes it, but is caught on their ankles, immediately becoming a tangled bloody mess in Blaylock Samson's trap. Frantic, Toe Cutter activates their shield generator which creates a kinetic field of energy around their body, and it successfully severs most of the barbed wire. Limping, Toe Cutter hustles towards the remainder of the delivery path, lobbing grenades over their shoulder. As Blaylock Samson manically runs after Toe Cutter firing rounds in their direction, they are caught in one of Toe Cutter's grenades, losing a leg. Toe Cutter continues, hobbling, towards the delivery point.
14:00:44: Blaylock Samson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Toe Cutter after a failed package theft attempt. Toe Cutter resumes on their way.
15:00:25: Mac Nielson misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Toe Cutter. Toe Cutter resumes delivery of their package.
16:05:39: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Toe Cutter to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Toe Cutter came into view. Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Toe Cutter running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Toe Cutter continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
17:00:37: Someone once told Blaylock Samson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Toe Cutter got one over on Blaylock Samson once before. So definitely, for Blaylock Samson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Blaylock Samson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Blaylock Samson see's Toe Cutter running hurriedly down the street. Blaylock Samson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Blaylock Samson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Toe Cutter doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Blaylock Samson did not see before. Blaylock Samson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Toe Cutter escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
18:00:05: Someone once told Blaylock Samson the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Toe Cutter got one over on Blaylock Samson once before. So definitely, for Blaylock Samson, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Blaylock Samson stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Blaylock Samson see's Toe Cutter running hurriedly down the street. Blaylock Samson takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Blaylock Samson ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Toe Cutter doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Blaylock Samson did not see before. Blaylock Samson takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Toe Cutter escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
19:00:34: Ignoracious Buttafucco misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Toe Cutter. Toe Cutter resumes delivery of their package.
20:00:19: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Ignoracious Buttafucco. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Ignoracious Buttafucco mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Ignoracious Buttafucco took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Ignoracious Buttafucco put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Ignoracious Buttafucco crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Toe Cutter to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Toe Cutter came into view. Ignoracious Buttafucco pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Ignoracious Buttafucco had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Ignoracious Buttafucco barely heard Toe Cutter running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Toe Cutter continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
20:41:20: Package delivered by Toe Cutter for $200,000