07:09:41: Package picked up by Sonny Bill Spider
07:09:42: Mac Nielson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Sonny Bill Spider after a failed package theft attempt. Sonny Bill Spider resumes on their way.
08:00:41: Mac Nielson stumbles into their own trap: a hole dug in the ground full of Ixyotik Death Wasps meant to ensure Sonny Bill Spider's destruction. Instead Sonny Bill Spider resumes on their way, Mac Nielson's agonizing screams ringing in their ears.
09:00:24: Ignoracious Buttafucco misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at Sonny Bill Spider. Sonny Bill Spider resumes delivery of their package.
10:00:37: Ignoracious Buttafucco does not normally mourn death. Ignoracious Buttafucco is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Ignoracious Buttafucco thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Sonny Bill Spider emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Sonny Bill Spider dove, taking a shot mid-air. Sonny Bill Spider was not thinking about human connection, unlike Ignoracious Buttafucco. This is arguably why Ignoracious Buttafucco was shot in the gut. Sonny Bill Spider resumes their delivery, package in tow.
11:00:41: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Mac Nielson. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Mac Nielson mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Mac Nielson took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Mac Nielson put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Mac Nielson crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Sonny Bill Spider to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Sonny Bill Spider came into view. Mac Nielson pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Mac Nielson had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Mac Nielson barely heard Sonny Bill Spider running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Sonny Bill Spider continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
12:00:29: Sonny Bill Spider was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Mac Nielson. Luckily, Sonny Bill Spider vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Sonny Bill Spider resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
13:00:44: Someone once told Ignoracious Buttafucco the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Sonny Bill Spider got one over on Ignoracious Buttafucco once before. So definitely, for Ignoracious Buttafucco, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Ignoracious Buttafucco stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Ignoracious Buttafucco see's Sonny Bill Spider running hurriedly down the street. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Ignoracious Buttafucco ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Sonny Bill Spider doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Ignoracious Buttafucco did not see before. Ignoracious Buttafucco takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Sonny Bill Spider escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
14:00:22: Ignoracious Buttafucco does not normally mourn death. Ignoracious Buttafucco is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of Ignoracious Buttafucco thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as Sonny Bill Spider emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. Sonny Bill Spider dove, taking a shot mid-air. Sonny Bill Spider was not thinking about human connection, unlike Ignoracious Buttafucco. This is arguably why Ignoracious Buttafucco was shot in the gut. Sonny Bill Spider resumes their delivery, package in tow.
15:00:40: Blaylock Samson is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by Sonny Bill Spider after a failed package theft attempt. Sonny Bill Spider resumes on their way.
15:10:21: Package delivered by Sonny Bill Spider for $180,000