15:20:20: Package picked up by Daggwood Bronson
15:20:21: Ignoracious Buttafucco steadily took aim from a second story window as Daggwood Bronson ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Ignoracious Buttafucco inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Daggwood Bronson resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
20:47:53: Daggwood Bronson has been sucked into a portable black hole shot from Long Dread's MSK-8500 rifle, not only losing the package to Long Dread, but flung to unknown reaches of the universe. "Parcel transferred."
21:05:46: Long Dread was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Illiaen Abraxas. Luckily, Long Dread vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Long Dread resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
21:05:57: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Illiaen Abraxas. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Illiaen Abraxas mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Illiaen Abraxas took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Illiaen Abraxas put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Illiaen Abraxas crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Long Dread to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Long Dread came into view. Illiaen Abraxas pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Illiaen Abraxas had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Illiaen Abraxas barely heard Long Dread running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Long Dread continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
21:17:22: Long Dread is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Long Dread smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Long Dread lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Long Dread's adrenaline. Calto Fremis fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Long Dread. "Not today, my friend." Long Dread twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Calto Fremis four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
21:17:27: Long Dread is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Long Dread smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Long Dread lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Long Dread's adrenaline. Calto Fremis fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Long Dread. "Not today, my friend." Long Dread twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Calto Fremis four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
21:17:42: Calto Fremis tried to sneak on board Long Dread's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Long Dread continues their delivery.
21:17:49: Calto Fremis tried to sneak on board Long Dread's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Long Dread continues their delivery.
21:17:56: Long Dread is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born Calto Fremis on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as Calto Fremis swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
21:20:18: Long Dread shot a missile at Calto Fremis and obliterated their ship. All that was left was the package which was picked up and continued its journey with Long Dread.
21:21:12: Long Dread has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. Long Dread is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, Calto Fremis" scrawled on it in pink paint. Calto Fremis picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of Long Dread. Fuck eaten. Good job, Calto Fremis. "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
21:38:24: Today started as a uniquely bright one for Long Dread. A wonderful breakfast. "Have a great day at the service," and a kiss from their lover. Long Dread mused, "Why ruin a good thing? I'll steal a package instead of being the idiot that always starts a delivery." Long Dread took their time, looking at the myriad of packages currently traversing the universe as well as the armaments at their disposal. "Ah, that's the one. I'm here already." Long Dread put on their favorite guilty pleasure of a song on an audio device, and hummed along, out of tune, as they laid down a multi-celled rocket launcher in the middle of the street on a hefty tripod. Long Dread crouched a fair distance away, readying their goggles and watching for Calto Fremis to come running down the road, package in tow. "I know this one. Never been able to handle their Zygerian Rum. They won't be able to handle this either." Calto Fremis came into view. Long Dread pushed the hand-held trigger mechanism. Suddenly, the rocket launcher whirled on it's pivot, pointing at the abode Long Dread had just left. "What? How?" As the rockets burnt the denizens inside to a crisp, Long Dread barely heard Calto Fremis running by shouting, "Always pack a signal disrupter, dickhead!" Calto Fremis continued on without breaking a step, the package remaining in tow.
21:38:32: Calto Fremis is riddled with repetitive machine gun fire from Long Dread, falling to their knees and letting the package slip from their fingers. "Parcel transferred." Long Dread resumes delivery with the package.
21:39:12: Long Dread is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Long Dread smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Long Dread lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Long Dread's adrenaline. Calto Fremis fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Long Dread. "Not today, my friend." Long Dread twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Calto Fremis four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
21:39:21: Long Dread was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Calto Fremis. Luckily, Long Dread vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Long Dread resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
21:39:24: Someone once told Calto Fremis that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Calto Fremis knows Long Dread has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Calto Fremis but the time is almost here. Long Dread's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Calto Fremis's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Calto Fremis is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Calto Fremis the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Long Dread's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
21:39:32: Someone once told Calto Fremis that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Calto Fremis knows Long Dread has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Calto Fremis but the time is almost here. Long Dread's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Calto Fremis's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Calto Fremis is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Calto Fremis the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Long Dread's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
21:39:40: Someone once told Calto Fremis the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. Long Dread got one over on Calto Fremis once before. So definitely, for Calto Fremis, that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. Calto Fremis stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. Calto Fremis see's Long Dread running hurriedly down the street. Calto Fremis takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. Calto Fremis ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. Long Dread doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that Calto Fremis did not see before. Calto Fremis takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see Long Dread escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
21:40:24: Calto Fremis tried to sneak on board Long Dread's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Long Dread continues their delivery.
21:41:09: Long Dread leaps off of a second story building on to a tall dumpster, shortening the fall. Unfortunately this dumpster is full of explosives placed by Calto Fremis. Calto Fremis smiles as they plunge their thumb onto the detonator switch, their face ignited by a pillar of flames as Long Dread is incinerated. Calto Fremis throws the detonator over their shoulder as they pick up the package that rolls to their feet as if it was meant for them. Calto Fremis breaks into a fast run, taking the stolen package with them. "Parcel transferred," emits from their delivery bracelet signifying even more credits to be earned. "Parcel transferred, indeed," Calto Fremis whispers in reply.
21:42:03: Calto Fremis is riddled with repetitive machine gun fire from Jarvis Grey, falling to their knees and letting the package slip from their fingers. "Parcel transferred." Jarvis Grey resumes delivery with the package.
21:42:49: Jarvis Grey was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Calto Fremis. Luckily, Jarvis Grey vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Jarvis Grey resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
21:42:52: Jarvis Grey is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Jarvis Grey smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Jarvis Grey lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Jarvis Grey's adrenaline. Calto Fremis fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Jarvis Grey. "Not today, my friend." Jarvis Grey twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Calto Fremis four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
21:42:59: Jarvis Grey was running at break-neck speed and rounded a blind corner, stumbling upon a laser trip mine placed by Calto Fremis. Luckily, Jarvis Grey vaulted over it, only severing one foot. Jarvis Grey resumes delivery with package in tow, albeit slightly hobbling.
21:43:55: Calto Fremis steadily took aim from a second story window as Jarvis Grey ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, Calto Fremis inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. Jarvis Grey resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
21:45:59: Jarvis Grey is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born Calto Fremis on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as Calto Fremis swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
22:02:36: Calto Fremis has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. Calto Fremis is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, Long Dread" scrawled on it in pink paint. Long Dread picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of Calto Fremis. Fuck eaten. Good job, Long Dread. "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
23:11:26: Long Dread is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but Long Dread smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. Long Dread lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises Long Dread's adrenaline. Captain Shank fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of Long Dread. "Not today, my friend." Long Dread twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting Captain Shank four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
23:19:28: Long Dread has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. Long Dread is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, Jax TellHER" scrawled on it in pink paint. Jax TellHER picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of Long Dread. Fuck eaten. Good job, Jax TellHER. "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
23:19:42: Calto Fremis tried to sneak on board Jax TellHER's ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. Jax TellHER continues their delivery.
23:19:44: Jax TellHER took a shortcut due to a fake sign placed by Calto Fremis, tripping over a portable road spike, and then landing in a field of Guruvian Nesters, an exotic species known for their sexual appetite. Calto Fremis currently has the package.
23:20:03: Someone once told Jax TellHER that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Jax TellHER knows Calto Fremis has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Jax TellHER but the time is almost here. Calto Fremis's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Jax TellHER's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Jax TellHER is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Jax TellHER the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Calto Fremis's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
23:20:07: Calto Fremis leaps off of a second story building on to a tall dumpster, shortening the fall. Unfortunately this dumpster is full of explosives placed by Jax TellHER. Jax TellHER smiles as they plunge their thumb onto the detonator switch, their face ignited by a pillar of flames as Calto Fremis is incinerated. Jax TellHER throws the detonator over their shoulder as they pick up the package that rolls to their feet as if it was meant for them. Jax TellHER breaks into a fast run, taking the stolen package with them. "Parcel transferred," emits from their delivery bracelet signifying even more credits to be earned. "Parcel transferred, indeed," Jax TellHER whispers in reply.
23:20:13: Jax TellHER leaps off of a second story building on to a tall dumpster, shortening the fall. Unfortunately this dumpster is full of explosives placed by Calto Fremis. Calto Fremis smiles as they plunge their thumb onto the detonator switch, their face ignited by a pillar of flames as Jax TellHER is incinerated. Calto Fremis throws the detonator over their shoulder as they pick up the package that rolls to their feet as if it was meant for them. Calto Fremis breaks into a fast run, taking the stolen package with them. "Parcel transferred," emits from their delivery bracelet signifying even more credits to be earned. "Parcel transferred, indeed," Calto Fremis whispers in reply.
23:20:19: Someone once told Jax TellHER that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. Jax TellHER knows Calto Fremis has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on Jax TellHER but the time is almost here. Calto Fremis's ship comes over the horizon. There it is. Jax TellHER's finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. Jax TellHER is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting Jax TellHER the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. Calto Fremis's ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
23:20:20: Package delivered by Calto Fremis for $700,000