15:51:21: Package picked up by Bacon Moo
15:51:22: Someone once told @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) got one over on @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) see's @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) did not see before. @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
16:00:23: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo). @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes delivery of their package.
17:00:21: @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) after a failed package theft attempt. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes on their way.
18:00:34: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) tried to sneak on board @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) continues their delivery.
19:00:34: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) is on a roll, carving a violent swathe through everything in their path when they enter a crossroads. Dangerous territory. A field of Space Bastards, but @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) smiles. Winners aren't born; they're built. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) lets loose a volley of grenades while igniting their rocket boots, soaring over the carnage below. One failed attempt. Two. Three. Four. Each attempted theft of the package raises @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s adrenaline. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) fires a wrist mounted laser, signing the hip of @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo). "Not today, my friend." @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) twists in mid-air and strafes the area with bullets, hitting @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) four times square in the torso and then resumes delivery.
19:10:17: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). This is arguably why @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
19:10:23: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo). @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes delivery of their package.
19:10:28: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) has managed to somehow evade theft of the package thus far. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) is feeling good. DAMN good. Unfortunately that feeling is momentarily suspended as a shot rings out, severing a cable holding up a net full of 700 pounds of refuse with a sign that has "Eat My Fuck - Cheers, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)" scrawled on it in pink paint. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) picks up the package which lies next to the mangled limbs of @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo). Fuck eaten. Good job, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). "Parcel Transferred." You have the package. Now get that sucker to the finish line.
19:17:54: Someone once told @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) got one over on @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) see's @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) did not see before. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
19:17:57: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo). This is arguably why @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
19:17:59: There are automatic rifles and there are these. The GZNKA tank killer is surprisingly light as @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) hefts it on their shoulder. The rounds are known to puncture holes two feet wide through heavy ship armor, and are held in a backpack and fed via sling. It is this reason alone that @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) has used it, targeting @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship as it races across the horizon. However, @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship is not only retrofitted with two meter thick armor, but also an electronic shielding system. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s rounds do find their way through the shields, but only make it one foot into the armor. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) dips their ship, skirting past @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) and giving them third degree thruster burns across half of their body.
19:18:02: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) tried to sneak on board @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s ship but a security robot detected and repelled the attempt. @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) continues their delivery.
19:18:06: @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) is bloody from head to toe after a rough number of successful entanglements. "Geronimo, fuckstick!" They look up at the voice and see a a dot in the sky. It quickly turns into two dots: a sky born @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) on a rocket powered hang-glider, and the portable thermonuclear device they've dropped. "Parcel transferred," can be heard from dispatch as @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) swoops past the mangled corpse and snags the package.
19:44:58: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) has been sucked into a portable black hole shot from @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine)'s MSK-8500 rifle, not only losing the package to @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine), but flung to unknown reaches of the universe. "Parcel transferred."
19:52:20: As @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine) rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of @peepso_user_2(Leroy Palestine). "Parcel transferred."
20:00:21: Someone once told @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) that the best way to handle this job is if you keep it strictly business. Not personal. Do not concern yourself with revenge. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) knows @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) has stolen one too many packages from them before, but brushes the sweat from their brow, banishing that memory. The heaviness of the EK40 surface to air missile launcher is starting to wear on @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) but the time is almost here. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s ship comes over the horizon. There it is. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson)'s finger closes around the trigger loosely, causing the launcher to commence lock-on. A small repetitive beep turns into a single tone, signaling the moment for action. @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) is surprised however as the rocket launches behind them instead of in front due to user error. This mistake would sting @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) the most, if not for the tower of rocket fuel they have chosen as their location. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo)'s ship rolls successfully by the towering pyre of incinerating flame, package still in tow.
21:00:22: @peepso_user_8(Ignoracious Buttafucco) is impaled on a lengthy spear with a laser tip by @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) after a failed package theft attempt. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes on their way.
22:00:37: Someone once told @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) the best way to handle this job is like it's personal. Not business. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) got one over on @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) once before. So definitely, for @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson), that advice hits close to the chest. No guns. Not this time. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) stakes out the area. Hides in the shadows. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) see's @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) running hurriedly down the street. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) takes one last look at the triple barrel sawed-off shotgun in their sling. Certainly safer. No. It's time for revenge. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) ducks out of the corner, an electrically charged knife in a firm grip. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) doesn't even skip a beat, slicing downward with a chainsaw that @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) did not see before. @peepso_user_7(Blaylock Samson) takes a long horrified look at their severed limb on the ground, still clutching the knife, and then once more up to see @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) escaping with the package still in tow far down the road. Don't worry. The Intergalactic Postal Service has excellent health coverage for limb replacement.
22:17:51: As @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) rounds a corner, they are distracted for more than a split second by a hastily posted cardboard cut-out of a Zyxxan Hound fornicating with a famous human politician from centuries before. This momentarily lapse in focus is all @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter) needs in order to slam a large whirring chainsaw into the chest of @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo). "Parcel transferred."
22:38:56: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) steadily took aim from a second story window as @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter) ran by below. Sweat dotting their forehead, @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) inhaled sharply and squeezed the trigger. It was a miss. @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter) resumes delivery, trying to ignore the echoing rifle shot and fragments of wall exploding just overhead.
22:38:59: @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter) was feeling THAT feeling. The feeling of the win just over the horizon. A smile crept across @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter)'s face, thinking of exactly what they would use these credits to purchase, when @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) launched an electrified bola at their feet. @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter) can't quite internalize that the most painful step is also the most confident, as a dart is lodged into their neck before @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter)'s head even hits the ground, bringing on many hours of sleep. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) smiles as their delivery bracelet emits the familiar "Parcel transferred" message.
23:00:32: @peepso_user_9(Mac Nielson) misses their double-fisted pistol shots. A sad attempt involving a total of 24 rounds fired at @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo). @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes delivery of their package.
23:02:24: @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter) does not normally mourn death. @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter) is accustomed to the loss of those they meet, in one capacity or another. But that last death. A split second of @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter) thinking about it meant they were a split second too late on the trigger as @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) emerged from the parking garage, package in tow. The shot missed. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) dove, taking a shot mid-air. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) was not thinking about human connection, unlike @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter). This is arguably why @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter) was shot in the gut. @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) resumes their delivery, package in tow.
23:02:27: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) has been sucked into a portable black hole shot from @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter)'s MSK-8500 rifle, not only losing the package to @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter), but flung to unknown reaches of the universe. "Parcel transferred."
23:08:19: @peepso_user_118(Bacon Moo) fires two pistol shots at @peepso_user_66(Toe Cutter)'s kneecaps, dropping them to their knees. "Parcel transferred."
23:51:37: Package delivered by Bacon Moo for $500,000